February 15, 2006
V-Day Trivia Answers
"Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all, set us free
Love is the answer..."
~"Love is the Answer" by Utopica (and now you'll be humming it ALL DAY...muaaahhhaaaa)
Answers after the cut ;-)
No, seriously. For real this time.
Fine. Don't believe me.
February 14, 2006
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself. ~ Robert Orben
So, because holidays gererally mean boring, reflective entries, here's something fun. How many can you answer without employing your Google-Foo?
1Q. One version of the St. Valentine legend contends that, while in prison for defying Claudius II, Valentine fell in love with a young girl who was the daughter of what person?
2Q. Give the title of the song with the following lyrics: “My hands are tied / My body bruised / She's got me with / Nothing to win and / Nothing left to lose..."
3Q. In the film “Ghost” Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore share a romantic if messy love scene to what Righteous Brothers’ song?
4Q. What 90’s film had a young John Cusack holding a boom box over his head in an attempt to woo back Ione Skye with Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes.”
5Q. Many historians think Christians decided to celebrate Valentine's Day in mid-February to co-opt the pagan Lupercalia festival which celebrated the mythic beast that suckled the twin founders of Rome. Name these brothers.
6Q. In a 1970’s Wings song, Paul McCartney wondered what was wrong with filling the world with what types of tunes?
7Q. In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart delivers the line “Here’s looking at you, kid” to what actress?
8Q. Name the song with the following lyrics: “I got my eggs, got my pancakes, too / Got my maple syrup, everything but you / I break the yolks and make a smiley face / I kinda like it in my brand new place.”
9Q. The oldest known valentine still in existence today is a 1415 poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife while he was imprisoned in what most famous of all British jails?
10Q. Complete this famous Shakespeare quote: “But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the East….” (5 words).
11Q. Name the poem: “And so, all the night-tide / I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride / In the sepulchre there by the sea, / In her tomb by the sounding sea.”
12Q. In what popular date-movie does Meg Ryan demonstrate the art of fake orgasms to Billy Crystal in a NY deli?
13Q. What 80’s TV show followed the investigative and romantic misadventures of David Addison and Maddie Hayes?
14Q. Name the song with the following lyrics: “Whenever I'm alone with you / You make me feel like I am home again / Whenever I'm alone with you / You make me feel like I am whole again.”
15Q. What late-80s romantic film features the now-cliché line: “Nobody puts baby in a corner?”
16Q. Complete this Shakespeare quote: “If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ…” (5 words)
17Q. According to Ali MacGraw in “Love Story” love means never having to do what?
18Q. The romantic interest of what Bronte title character is the mysterious Mr. Edward Rochester?
19Q. What romantic movie duo starred in nine films together, starting with 1942’s “Woman of the Year?” (Give both names).
20Q. According to the Greeting Card Association, approx. how many Valentines cards are sent each year: 50 million, 100 million, 500 million, 1 billion, or 1.5 billion?
21Q. Over the seven-season run of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy had long-term relationships with two vampire lovers, name them both.
22Q. Name the song with the following lyrics: “Sweet like candy to my soul / Sweet you rock / And sweet you roll.”
23Q. According to a popular advertising slogan for De Beers' diamonds, a diamond is what?
24Q. In what 1985 movie does Harrison Ford share a romantic dance and serenade with Kelly McGillis to the tune of Sam Cooke’s “Wonderful World?"
25Q. Although married to King Arthur, legends tell that Queen Guinevere fell in love with what knight?
26Q. What Blake Edwards film (based on a Truman Capote novel) centers on the antics of Holly Golightly?
27Q. What ABC weekday serial soap opera hit high ratings in the 80’s with storylines featuring the characters of Luke Spencer and Laura Webber?
28Q. Name the song with the following lyrics: “If she is playing him for a fool / He's the last one to know / Loving eyes can never see.”
29Q. The somber event indicated by the title of what 1994 film is attributed to the death of Simon Callow’s character, Gareth? (Hint: The other events in the title are more “marry” occasions).
30Q. What historical seductress captivated the hearts and minds of both Julius Caesar and Mark Antony (not to mention Titus Polo)?
31Q. What famous romantic work features the characters of Miss Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy?
32Q. The soundtrack of what 1990 romantic blockbuster features songs by Natalie Cole, David Bowie, Roxette, Go West, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and, of course, Roy Orbison?
33Q. Most people know about Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, but what muppet has a on-going romance with a chicken named Camilla?
34Q. In what 1998 romantic movie does Billy Idol help Adam Sandler to serenade Drew Barrymore?
35Q. What initials are shared by the two great loves of Superman's life (not to mention his great nemesis)?
36Q. For those of us who were sick to death of hearing Celine Dion croon on every radio station in 1997, what ship (and James Cameron film) couldn’t sink fast enough?
37Q. The son of Aphrodite/Venus, the mythic goddess of love and beauty, is forever associated with Valentine’s Day. Give both his Roman and Greek names.
38Q. Fearing coded messages during WWII, the Allied governments outlawed troops from including what 3-character marks at the end of their letters?
39Q. In the Disney treatment of what classic tale, do the title characters get a little help from a candlestick, a clock, and a teapot?
40Q. The top three Valentine’s Day tokens are cards, flowers, and what?
February 13, 2006
We come from France. ~ Jane Curtin and Dan Aykroyd as Prymatt and Beldar Conehead (assisted by far too many writers to credit)
Every so often a totally bizarre snippet from adolescence makes a comeback in my brain and I'm shanghaied by silly memories.
It will likely come as no surprise for those of you who read my blog to learn that I have been a rather twisted little screw for quite some time. In fact, my earliest sexual fantasies go back so far most reading this would not believe me. Now, granted they were not sexual by the strictest sense of the word, merely situational, but the context was there and Freud, for all his faults, would be on my side. Some of my most explicit and erotic fantasies are based on seedlings that were planted in my subconscious when I was a very wee little lass.
So what tawdry tidbit has recently surfaced in my noggin, you ask? Well, during a snippet of the 16 hours a day I commit to the Olympic Games (yes, fuck you, I like the Olympics and, yes, I cheer for the home team, flawed as we are) a French athlete got 15 seconds of fame (Bally someone-or-other in the women’s' biathlon), the oddest rusting of silt quivered in my gray matter.
When I was a girl engaging in taboo fantasies (yes, my pretties, they stretch back that far) the endpoint of all my fantasies was "and then we move to France." France – of all places -- was, in my mind, the cure-all for any wicked, twisted, debased sexual relationship problem. It was the resolution to all things sinful and naughty. Some extension of Pleasure Island that Pinocchio never dreamed.
Where did this come from? How did it start? Did I wildly misinterpret the lyrics to Gigi? Could the subtext of Pink Panther cartoons strew my childhood mind with too much double-entendre?
Maybe, but I don’t think so. My working theory, in fact, will likely make you spit coffee on the screen. I’m serious. Put the cup down. Swallow. Okay. Now read on.
I'm thinking Coneheads. Yes. Those Coneheads.
As a child I had a case of near-permanent insomnia. Actually, that's not entirely accurate. It would be more close to the mark to say that I have had what I now know to be Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (even though it didn't have a name when I was a child). What this basically means is that my body doesn't have a normal sleep cycle. I'm nocturnal (what was once called "a night owl") and I also sleep in short phases of four hours here, five hours there, instead of a full eight hour span. Not to mention I prefer to sleep in afternoon as opposed to night hours. Most people only suffer from DSPS on a temp basis, or else are able to manage their DSPS through diet, ritual, and/or drugs. But then there are the people like me. By and large those like me are either rich, drug-addicted, or working third-shift jobs. Sometimes combinations of these. I've had DSPS since the day my mother brought me home from the hospital and after too many sleep clinic sessions to document, I'm convinced that diet and ritual are not a factor (the drugs might be, but long-term sleeping pill usage is not my idea of a good thing). I managed it in my youth by not sleeping and being a work-a-holic. I manage it now by sleeping when I am sleepy and being awake when I’m awake. It’s much healthier than that whole not-sleeping thing.
But I digress. This is all a long-winded excuse to explain why I was up watching Saturday Night Live as a five year old (although SNL wasn't the worst I got into back then). And, despite being five (or perhaps because of it) I thought the Conehead sketches were about the funniest fucking things I'd ever seen. To be completely honest, I retain, to this day, a great affection for them (as well as a crush on Dan Aykroyd that endures despite Caddyshack II, Exit to Eden, and Canadian Bacon).
I can only assume that because it was okay for obvious aliens to come from France and have people buy it that I assumed my brother/sister incest fantasy characters could end up there and have it be no big deal. Sure, you can blame VC Andrews for the fantasies, but those characters never ended up happy or in France ;-) Also I’m thinking that whole "European royalty who marry their family members" element was tossed in there somewhere – although why I would have isolated France out of Egyptian history, European history, and US Southern history is beyond me.
Still. It cracks me up.
Forbidden older man / younger underage girl fantasy? They end up in France.
Brother/sister or daddy/daughter incest? They move to France.
All taboo roads led, in my mind, to France.
And other than being subjected to Jerry Lewis movies for the rest of their lives, they might even have lived happily ever after.
Of course - alas - my stories rarely get such closure these days. I've matured to the point of fast-forwarding to the dirty parts as I wank off and then just drifting away into contented slumber...comme il faut.