June 25, 2005
Free Speech Coalition's 2257 Compromise & You
Free speech is the whole thing, the whole ball game. Free speech is life itself. ~ Salman Rushdie
If you are not a member of the Free Speech Coalition you might want to think about joining....umm...now. They're one of the few legal defense teams that adult webmasters/bloggers have right now. The membership fees go toward legal defenses. Depending on how deep you are in the industry, the membership fees vary, but an independent or blogger with a DBA should be able to get in at the $50 individual membership level. If you own your own company, etc, then it goes up. Although they do allow you to pay on monthly installments.
Currently, they've got an injunction that protects their members against DOJ 2257 investigation for at least the next month, until a judge holds a preliminary injunction hearing on August 8th. Plus they're not just handing over their member list:
A master list of members will be submitted to the Special Master on Wednesday June 29, 2005, and will include all FSC members as of 2:00 p.m. pacific standard time, Saturday June 25, 2005.
At no time will the DoJ have direct access to the FSC membership list, which will remain under seal.
Joining gives you the opportunity to take an extra month to get your ducks in a row and also lets you sit back and watch what happens from a relatively safe distance for the moment. Not to mention actually contributing to the cause.
In order to get on the membership list by June 29th, the following appears on their website:
In response to the flood of new members, Free Speech Coalition is pleased to announce that all membership and 2257 litigation contributions can be processed over the telephone as of 6:00 a.m. Pacific Time, Friday morning, June 24, 2005, through 2:00 p.m, Saturday, June 25, 2005. Call 800.681.0403. Credit cards will be processed over the telephone.
If you're only in it for the 30 days of protection then a) hopefully my blog post here wasn't what tipped you off about it because the deadline is in like...an hour; b) you might not want to shill out $50 or more for a mere 30 days.
But it's there if you're interested.
Dox
Phone Sex | Poli-Sci by Doxy at 02:17 PM | permalink | talkback (0)
June 11, 2005
Vice Premiums
Everyone knows what a hypocrite is; that's the guy who gripes about the sex, violence and nudity on his VCR. ~ Zig Ziglar
Begin rant.
Umm. I'm warning you now. This is going to be one of those "get that girl a joint" entries.
Well, okay. But I put up signs and told you to run while you could. I blog, therefore I vent.
Operating in the sex industry (even phone sex, which I know is considered a twice-removed cousin by mainstream porn) and being an ethical, practical businessperson is often a very frustrating endeavor.
From the industry side, you watch as some people who cut corners, pander to the lowest common denominator, lie, cheat, steal and behave otherwise unethically appear to suffer little or no consequences for their actions while the good guys jump though arbitrary hoops just to keep their business afloat.
In phone sex, for example, I could name companies with dismal reputations for bouncing checks on their operators, scamming their clients, engaging in advertising tricks and scams and employing no end of other little sneak tactics.
I know -- I have this childish sense of fair play that just won't go away. I'd give anything to grow out of it.
To my credit, once I calm my temper down, I remember that will simply always be the way of business. For every legitimate company there is an Enron. For every person who dots the i's and crosses the t's there is a lazy slacker who leaves people in the lurch. At least in the sex industry, by and large, those who employ unethical practice don't lead to people dying, individuals losing their retirement next eggs, communities getting taxed into oblivion to make up for -- say, a power crisis, etc. An unethical judge, lawyer, doctor, CEO, is a far greater danger to society than a strip club owner gone mad with delusions of significance.
The truth is, in order to pose a danger to society, you have to have some kind of power. And the adult industry has no power. We get fucked from all sides in every way by as many parties as care to participate in the gangbang.
Now, you'll hear the argument that the sex industry attracts unsavory characters. So, let's address that concept. How can sex by itself attract anything more than another? Sex is inherent to us all and as such as varied and vast as the human race.
So, why does it seem that the sex industry has a disproportionate ratio of sleezebags to normies?
Simple. The government drives unsavory characters to sex.
Hang on. I'll show my work.
If you force an industry to operate on the fringes, it will attract fringe personalities. Prohibition funded organized crime. Does that mean that alcohol is intrinsically unethical? Are Coors, Budweiser, and all their brewery brethren tainted and evil? Or, was alcohol simply the gateway to organized crime in the 20s because fundies and government sheep gave the fringe element a chance to take over a socially embedded staple?
Sex, Inc. has this "riding the fence" position that really is enough to make a sane woman weep. The nutjob fundies can't ban sex (yet), but they seem to have no end of fun inspiring otherwise reasonable people to draw more lines about "right and wrong" than scar the plains of Nazca. Government organizations exploit and harass the sex industry because it distracts from the more serious problems they're not addressing. A nice round of vilifying sex shops and strip clubs is as good as tossing the fundies a teething ring to placate their self-righteous fangs. This is generally done in the name of "protecting" children, the elderly, the mentally/morally weak and/or kittens, puppies, and bunnies.
Government is sometimes called upon to make some hard calls. That's why we have a system. But policy to protect the public that strip one or many groups of their rights should actually 1) address a real problem and 2) stand a chance in hell of being effective.
And that's just the social harassment. I haven't even gotten into the monetary extortion.
Our country has an established history of taxing, or forcing a premium onto what they believe is "wrong" for us, so sex companies and individuals pay more for standard services under the guise of "what the market will bear."
You think it's ridiculous that you pay what you pay for a sex toy or service? Maybe so. But you should consider all the little ways a sex industry company gets fucked over and charged out the ears until the cost of producing said service or item requires hikes that would make gas station owners blush.
And king of this little fuck-over-the-adult-business-owner game is the advertising industry.
Thus, the catalyst for my little rant du jour.
If you want to advertise your adult business, you better have a nice bankroll, a lot of patience, a loose, accommodating sphincter, and a jar of Vaseline in tow.
There will be the standard garble about how/what/when/where you can and cannot advertise. These rules (dictated NOT by the market, but by greedy ad execs) range from common sense to out-of-their-fucking-minds.
Reasonable: An explicit ad might be appropriate for Hustler, whereas a less racy ad could find a home in Stuff.
Unreasonable: To place an ad in those more "mainstream" publications who lower themselves to graciously allow adult advertising in the "way back" sections of their venues, you can expect that your advertising will be tamed down until it pales in comparison to the liquor and Victoria's Secret glossy spreads.
Unreasonable Squared: While they're granting you permission to present your tawdry wares in their respectable publication, you'll tithe for the honor by paying anywhere from double to ten times what any other industry is asked to pay. Translation: you pay for worse placement with more severe content restrictions. And you better be happy they're so much as letting you sully their pristine little rag with your filthy presence.
Think I'm exaggerating?
Example 1: Washington City Paper
Paid Ads are for businesses, groups, or individuals that charge for their goods or services. The rate for paid ads is $18.50 for 25 words or less and 65¢ for each additional word.
The rate for Adult Services ads is $150 for 25 words or less and $3 for each additional word.
Example 2: Yahoo Directory Submit
For web sites that do not feature adult content or services, the Yahoo! Directory Submit service costs US$299 (nonrefundable) for each Directory listing that is submitted. Furthermore, for each listing accepted into the Directory, there is a recurring annual fee of US$299 to maintain the listing in the Directory for the subsequent year.
For sites that include adult content or services, the nonrefundable initial fee is US$600 and the recurring annual fee is US$600. The higher cost for sites with adult content reflects the fact that Yahoo! directory team uses a more complex and time-intensive review process for sites offering adult content and/or services.
More time-intensive review process my ass. That's Yahoo-speak for "we're going to charge you extra because we suspect our employees will be waking off while performing reviews."
I could go on and on with shit like this, but it just gets more and more depressing. But, you might want to keep this kind of thing in mind the next time you think that sex toy looks overpriced.
I don't mind so much defending myself to the mud slinging of fundamentalist hypocrites and sanctimonious windbags. I can take on a Bible thumper any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
I do mind legislation that serves no purpose other than to bar consenting adults from engaging in whatever fucking activity they opt to engage in in the privacy of their own bedrooms, or an establishment that provides substitute places of privacy, or services to aid in such private activities.
I do mind being charged EXTRA for the exact same services offered to any other business. I expecially mind when the services are not the same, but far inferior, and I'm treated like dirt in the process.
I do mind my billing options for my business dwindling because Mastercard and Visa are looking to drive out independent sex service providers by refusing services to third party processors if they accept adult industry clients. I pay my cable bill with my Visa card and Comcast has adult movies for sale at all hours. And I'll bet you my chargeback rate is a hell of a lot lower than Comcast's.
I love being a phone sex operator. I love the freedom and flexibility I gained by going independent. I worked hard to accomplish all I've accomplished, and I've helped others along the way when I can.
The idea that I may one day in the not-too-distant future have to surrender what I've built and go back to putting on suits and sitting in board rooms makes me physically ill.
It's this kind of mood that makes me think I need a submissive slave grunt to smack around for a few hours.
But I'm not bitter.
/rant
Naughty Bits | Phone Sex | Poli-Sci by Doxy at 09:30 AM | permalink | talkback (1)
June 09, 2005
Doxy's Way I: How To Get Started In Phone Sex
Natalie: You're not doing this right.
Jeremy: What the hell are we doing?
Natalie: Well I thought we were having phone sex, but I guess you just weren't interested.
Jeremy: We were having phone sex?
Natalie: Well not phone sex, but whatever. We were having sex.
Jeremy: I didn't even know.
Natalie: And frankly, it showed up in your performance.
Jeremy: I wasn't having sex.
Natalie: I know that, Jeremy, I was sitting here having sex all by myself.
Jeremy: You were having sex.
Natalie: Yes.
Jeremy: Well I think maybe you're not doin' it right.
Natalie: Call technical support.
~ Joshua Malina and Sabrina Lloyd from Sports Night (via Aaron "the man is a dialog god" Sorkin)
I get asked a lot of questions in the never-ending mill o' blather that is my daily in-box. By far the #1 email is generally some woman spilling to me her life story and ending by asking me how to "get started" in the phone sex business.
A while back I stopped answering these emails. There aren't enough hours in the day to answer all my mail, even if I wanted to. It would use me up. And I don't want to be used up. I want to still play silly video games, waste time with friends, get writing/other projects done and even post in message boards and/or communities if/when I feel inclined to do so without the crushing guilt of "I should really be answering email." I opted a while back not to become a slave to my inbox. Maybe it was a selfish and rude call, but I'm okay with that. It's the line I had to draw.
It is my hope that those people who don't get replies don't take it personally and understand that I'm a person with only so much time. If they don't understand that, well, there isn't much I can do about it.
That said, it's not that I don't care about these women. Many of them sound fabulous. They all have individual stories that continually touch me. Hardships and tough decisions, and a desire to change their lives for the better. If I could, I'd buy them all a Coke and keep them company.
So, in effort to not completely ignore these women, and to bridge the gap between me and those who pour their hearts out to me in what end up being one unanswered email after another, I'm going to try to dole out some info regarding "getting started" in this and (hopefully...maybe...please don't hold me to it...gulp) future entries.
A betting man would take the odds against my continuing this, but I'm going to try to stiff him with his ante.
This will likely be boring for many of you. You may want to skip to the next entry that features a scantily clad woman.
And -- just to be safe -- I'm adding one last caveat. This is MY advice and merely one opinion. Mine is hardly the only way. Take from it what you can use and be true to yourself and your goals. I'm not laying out a manifesto. I'm just sharing what I think will help, and expressing what I believe to be the right way.
Okay. Just so we're clear on that.
Still here?
Foolish mortal.
First things first. Before entering into a phone sex career, you really need to take personal stock and ask yourself the following:
1. Do I have a sensual voice, or a voice that fits a fetish?
If you don't, you'll have a hard time of it and you're better off working the counter at a local department store.
2. Can I check my moral judgment at the door?
This is one of the most difficult aspects of being a phone slut. What is sex-laced to your callers might be repulsive to you. Can you work beyond that and indulge your caller, even if you're horrified by their kink? If you're going to hold a ruler and play judge with people's sexual inclinations, you're lining up for the wrong gig. I'm not saying you can't have limits, but those limits need to include a healthy respect for the lizard that lives in the minds of all of us -- the primal sexuality id that wants to do dirty, filthy, wrong evil, often violent, generally immoral things. And you need to be able to identify and separate the guy who wants to rape a pre-teen girl in his lizard king fantasies from a criminal pathology that would commit such a thing in real life. If you're not able to see the distinction this job is going to cause you grief. It is my advice that if you are paranoia inclined or someone who sees the glass half-empty you'll be worrying and second guessing too much to enjoy your work and you'll be unhappy. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt (yes, even the ones that sound sick to you at first) and keep an open mind. Think about how much you'd hate to be judged for your own darkest secret. (Oh, if you don't have any dark secrets or thoughts, I also don't recommend this job -- it's out of your depth).
3. Am I able to separate business relationships from personal ones?
If you can't maintain limits between professional relationships and personal relationships, then you're going to get taken for a ride because a lot of today's phone sex callers are savvy guys who know how to manipulate what they want out of a girl. You need to be the one who sets limits. That's part of your job. You need to set a code in your head and stick to it. A guy that is trying to wheedle his way into your personal life needs to be firmly put in place -- even if it means losing his patronage. There are some girls who like to lead a guy on and make him feel like "more than a client" by inferring future meetings and promises of "someday." This is always going to end badly and the payday will not make up for how dirty you feel. I promise this you -- I can't count up to the number of times I've heard this story and it never has a happy ending. The voice on the other end of the line is a person and needs to be respected, but he is also a client and you are a professional and you need to establish the arm's length that this job demands. It's a tightrope.
4. Am I a "go out and get them" type, or a "let them come to me" type?
Some girls are comfortable with the hard sell and can promote themselves hardcore, others girls are more reserved. Both types can succeed in this business. Knowing your own ambition and/or drive is key. Knowing your strengths is mandatory. The answer to this question will largely determine what kind of service you'll end up working for.
5. Do I want this to be a career, or a job?
There is a big difference. If you're in this for the short haul (two years or less), then your goals and mindset should reflect that. If you plan on doing it a while, then your plan needs to be more long-term in nature and your goals tiered. If you're just looking for some fast cash for a few months, just go find something else to do.
6. Am I a sex-positive person who really will be comfortable talking to strangers about sex?
This may seem like a no-brainer for anyone contemplating work in this industry, but you'd be shocked at just how many people take up this job with the wrong mindset. Becoming a phone sex operator means you are choosing to become a sex industry worker. It means you should be sexually open-minded and inviting. It means you should be sex-curious and have sincere interest in the sexuality of others. It means you should should feel a sense of community with other sex workers (this does not exclude a sense of competition). You should like to watch, read, listen about, talk about, learn about, teach about sex. There are deep psychology factors at play in this industry, but they will never overshadow the fact that this gig is mostly about good ole ess-e-ex.
Now. All those questions are good to ask yourself. Knowing those answers will help you get your head in the right place. But if you're like most of us working this job, your definitions will change as time goes by. You'll get more jaded about some things and more mellow about others. You'll see from different perspectives. You'll get emotionally involved a time or two, even though you promised yourself you wouldn't. You're human. And this is a job where lines are written, erased, and redrawn in pencil. Permanent markers are hard to come by. Give yourself some slack and allow yourself a learning curve, but try your best to set your goals and stay on path and on target.
Keep a positive mindset, good momentum, a respect for karma (because my lovelies, it WILL come around) and a "do no harm" mantra and this job will treat you well. Respect it and always remember that losing respect for the gig is the first sign that you may be losing respect for yourself. And that's a big, honking warning sign.
Okay, enough editorializing and maiden mother crone bullshit wisdom.
Let's assume your head is in the right place. On to step two.
Practice.
Even before applying for a job you need to get some practice ON STRANGERS. It doesn't have to be a lot. Maybe five or six calls. Find a place online -- some online dating service is ideal. Try to AVOID the big ones -- craigslist, AOL chat rooms etc (more on why below). Find a nice little singles niche where you can drop an anonymous ad saying that you're looking to take a phone sex test drive on a few willing males. Trust me, you'll get more than a fair share of interest. This will not be a true test, because these men will not have the mindset of paying customers, but it will help you get your feet wet.
While indulging this experiment, keep in mind the following:
A. DO NOT advertise freebies in a place where you see other girls/services advertising paid services. You don't want to inadvertently make enemies. Seriously.
B. Protect your identity and keep the interactions completely anonymous. Remember that learning this is part of the goal. If you're unable to keep the pretend client at arm's length, you've failed one important part of this self-test.
C. Make sure YOU call them. If you don't have a flat-rate long distance service, then get one. Block your outgoing Caller ID on these calls (*67 before you dial in most areas) and don't call any guy on a toll-free line (toll free lines get Caller ID regardless of if you try and block or not because they're paying for the call). I'd use a calling card if there's any chance the calls will be local.
D. Try to make the experience as much like a paid call as possible. Set a time limit for yourself (10 minutes is a good rule of thumb) and see if you can work him up to orgasm in that amount of time. Also see if you're able to gracefully disengage at the proper time limit.
E. Practice casual chit-chat. This is harder than you think. Many guys when placed in an overtly sexual position suffer from "Uh, I don't know" syndrome. Learn how to probe them for what gets them off, while still remaining friendly and alluring -- sounding clinical only works for guys of a particular fetish. You need to feel natural talking about sex with strangers.
F. Make it clear in your ad that you're looking for a brief sex session only. Think how much you'd hate to feel fooled/used by someone in the reverse of the situation. It's never too early to start practicing good ethics, and just because it's anonymous doesn't mean it should be negative for either party.
Once you've built up a comfort zone for yourself and feel you're ready to go to the next level, you need to consider what kind of service you'd like to work for. Your options break down roughly to:
1. High Volume Dispatch.
This is the Phone Sex equal of a sweat shop. The pay is low, the hours are long, and the demands are high. Often you're answering one two-minute call after another. Your pay rates are generally variable based on how long you keep guys on the line. Because of this, there are many unethical companies who force hang ups to bring down your call times so that they don't have to pay you at a higher rate. You may or may not be able to take requests which means that guys could be calling over and over and hanging up trying to get the girl they want and those hang-ups will count against your call times. The service may require you to work long hours and may expect to be able to call you even if you're not logged in. This is trial by fire and while most ops cannot keep up this type of pace for the long haul, it's good (if often ugly) field experience. You'll take a lot of different types of calls over a short amount of time. You'll make roughly the same amount each week and be able to depend on your paycheck (assuming you choose a reputable company). You won't have time to dwell on one bad call that might have gone better. Your pay will likely be as low as $100-$200/week for someone who puts in the minimum time/effort to $500-$1000/week for someone who is ceaselessly logged in at all hours they're awake. These types of companies experience high roll-over rates and will generally hire anyone. Be warned, however that they also are often the type of service that advertises low prices and folds quick and you might get stiffed on pay. Always search around the message boards and do a Whois/Google/whatever search for company information.
2. Low/Mid Volume Dispatch.
These are the services I opted to work for almost the entire duration of my career before going independent. With these services you have a much more sporadic incoming call rate. You can take three calls an hour, or one every three hours. You might talk for 20 minutes one shift and 5 hours straight the next shift. Your pay rate will fluctuate, but generally will remain within a stable range once you hit your stride and build up a client base. I found that working for more than one of these services at a time was the way to go -- if you could get them to hire you. Many services are wary of girls who work for multiple companies and they'll want to see something positive out of you quick. It's good to have some experience under your belt before moving to these types of services. You'll be expected to generate requests from their client bases. You'll be expected to follow protocols with little drama and keep your schedule like a professional. There are a lot of girls who like to work this method, so if you're going to flake off, they'll replace you and if you're more trouble than you're worth, they'll replace you. I found it best to work long enough for one company and then talk to the owner and tell her you'd like to be logged in with one or two other companies at the same time. Most owners who run these types of services are understanding so long as you've proved yourself trustworthy and professional. They'll know they can count on you to give their service your equal effort as you will the others. If the owner isn't open to this, then you may need to move elsewhere if you're not making what you want to be making. It's very difficult to make a high amount of money working a single low/mid volume dispatch company. You can generally expect to make $300 - $800/week depending on their seasonal call volumes and how many hours you make yourself available.
3. Combination Service.
This is the kind of service that will expect you to troll/self-market to bring in your own clients as well as provide you with callers from their stock sites/advertising. I don't recommend starting with a trolling service unless (1) you've got a very outgoing personality and don't mind fishing for clients, or (2) they offer extensive training. Even still, you need to be an ace to survive in a trolling environment. You can expect to make between $300 to $1500 per week working for this kind of service. The low end is still hard work with potential long hours, and the high end is for top-of-the-line girls who are aggressive self-marketers.
4. Straight trolling.
So here's my take on trolling; I don't get it. It's not that it's wrong, it's just that I don't understand why girls opt to do this for certain companies. To my thinking, if I'm hanging out in a room for hours hooking my clients, then those are MY clients, not the service's clients. If I'm processing billing and self-marketing and working the line, and all a service is offering me is an occasional character on a website and a billing method -- then why am I "working" for them? I would ask some serious questions before working for a trolling service. Does your client base belong to you or the company in their mind? What marketing help / benefits do they offer? The women who troll are a breed different from those that work dispatch and I don't think we will ever completely understand each other. But if this type of service gels for you, then the odds are you'll do just fine when you want to move on to taking yourself independent. I've never worked trolling, but it is my understanding that your income level ranges from $400 to $1500 per week.
Please note that $1500 per week is NOT an average salary. That's the income level for a woman who sleeps, eats, lives phone sex and has kept up that pace for quite some time (logging in over 100 per week for at least a few months running). It means you've been online and available and clients are used to being able to contact you at all hours. It means you're GOOD at the job and at servicing a wide range of fetishes. It means you likely don't have a social life, a family to care for, plants that need a lot of watering, or an inner child to cry at you. I've never heard of a woman who works this pace for more than a few months without being slightly mental.
As a beginner you can reasonably expect to make $150 to $200 per week. As you build up your client base and get into the groove, you can expect an average of $300 to $600 per week as an good average where you still have a life and $600 to $800 as a super week with some extra good clients.
The get-rick-quick-for-barely-working days of phone sex are over. You missed them. If you're interested, they ended about the time Clinton took office and Al Gore starting claiming to invent the internet. In today's market you will work for your money and you will devote time and effort to it, or you won't earn. And if you don't put your taxes aside properly, you're going to end up with a very unhappy April surprise.
Okay. You've got to be exhausted with reading. I'm certainly done writing for the moment.
If I ever decide to delve into this stuff again...
Our Next Topic Will Be:
Deciding when/if to go independent.
(Wherein we discuss Niteflirt, ethical transitions, personal web sites, billing problems, our deep loathing for PayPal, advertising wastelands, and the difference between wanting to just simply work a job and becoming a smart business woman in today's deeply competitive phone sex industry).
Phone Sex by Doxy at 03:54 AM | permalink | talkback (1)
June 03, 2005
The Art of One Hand Driving
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. ~ Albert Einstein
I love this bumpersticker:
If my callers are any sort of yard stick, they're definately having the phone sex.
And they're on the dope.
Mirth | Phone Sex by Doxy at 05:02 AM | permalink | talkback (1)
May 22, 2005
Talkin' Phone Sex Community Blues
It's hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head. ~ Sally Kempton
Ironically, there was no category for "Phone Sex" before this entry in my blog. It seems that a phone sex slut blog would have a phone sex category. Not that those particular words are missing from my site, but, you know, I go to make an entry, select from my little dropdown of Primary Categories and there isn't one. What have I been blathering about all this time?
No one answer that.
Recently, there has been a bru-ha-ha in the one PSO forum that I've remained a semi-active member of. It's probably the only remaining source of legitimate PSO conversation that remains worth anyone's time and I'm pained to see it under fire.
We don't have water coolers. We don't have weekly meetings. What we do have is the occassional on-line forum. And, even under the best of circumstances, PSO forums are a sticky business.
You may well ask why.
Well, first you have the fact that many PSOs (and owners of PSO companies) tend to be a catty lot. Me? I'm catty to the nth degree. Sarcasm running fluent in my veins. But PSOs are a different breed of catty. It's like WWF with keyboards. Roller derby ain't got nothing on the hair pulling that goes on between phone sex sluts at a full rabid foaming froth.
I've often pondered the reason for this and I don't know that there is any one answer. In part, there is the competition factor, and in part I think there is the fact that being your own boss means you're not accustomed to answering to anyone but yourself. Then, there is the fact that because we are forced to fly below the radar of mainstream business, our practices are still a bit final frontier shoot-from-the-hip Kirk-like as opposed to let's-be-diplomatic-at-all-costs Picard-esque. And, unfortunately, there is the bad blood element. Girl X once fucked over Company Y and vengeance was vowed, etc and they both see red anytime the other is mentioned. Believe it or not, there are about a billion other sideline issues. What results is that, even under the best of circumstances a PSO community is no easy row to hoe (npi).
The topics flying loose and fast on the forum lately have included the fact that there are some of us who feel that certain practices drag down the industry and keep us as second-class citizens of the business world. Which is not to say I think I should have final (or any) say over who gets to do what with their own service. It's just that, as a community, you generally have a code of conduct most players agree on. Though there will be variations in marketing schemes and business ethics, we mostly like to believe there are some fundamental majority beliefs / opinions / whatever we can all agree on. But then there are always those who want to play the eternal devil's advocates and say black just because someone else says white. It was always thus, and the debate doesn't really do anyone real harm. Except its tedious. And, as you have probably gathered from reading my blog, I'm like a dog when a bone when it comes to a debate. Also I have an ornery little Southern girl temper and a repertoire of a million different ways to tell you to go fuck yourself.
Friends have offered me cash to stay off message boards. But I'm fueled by dialog and addicted to debate.
Anyway, the PSO community...
Because it's a private Yahoo group, there is a moderator (a good egg, and I wouldn't wish to take the reins from her for all the tea in China). I personally don't want to be a member of a forum that isn't moderated. I believe freedom of speech is most sacred among all our American doctrines, but, while protecting such freedom is the duty of our government (though, obviously not the current administration), it is not guaranteed to us by our peers carte blanche. People who don't understand this amuse me.
Yes, it would be nice to say that everyone has a right to their opinion in every forum, but, for those of us who have borne witness to great forums and mailing lists crumbling, the cause was ever some annoying bastard who didn't know when to leave the table, or who seemed relentlessly determined to play devil's advocate until no one cared anymore, or who just got off being the thorn in the collective side.
I have probably been that person on occasion, given my knack for passionate rhetoric, but that's neither here nor there.
Such freedom of speech has been of issue lately in the forum.
There are a number of phone sex operators (members) who are intimidated by the fact that phone sex service owners post in and monitor the group. We've had a number of owners posing as PSOs and wagging their agendas in everyone's face lately. It gets annoying. Kind of like sipping coffee in the break room and having a bitch session with co-workers only to have the company cheerleader come in and start tsk-tsking you.
The moderator has opted to ban owners/managers/etc from the group and I'm in full support of it, but I also have mixed feelings regarding the practicality of it. My overall belief is that owners, given their experience, could be good contributing members. The problem is all owners have a shifted point of view from the average PSO and, as such, their agendas and "advice" is often tainted. And, owners have the ability to be vindictive and fire ops just for speaking their minds -- an opportunity that ops don't hold against their peers. For a peer community, allowing people with higher powers to be counted as peers defeats at least part of the purpose.
Take for example, the most high profile EZboard community associated with Phone Sex. It's run by owners. Its traffic boosts the Google juice of those owners' sites. Nothing wrong with that, except that I don't think most of the ops who post there and/or link to the place know that. Which sort of irritates me, but then I was a geek girl who always did her homework and was bewildered that others didn't.
On the EZboard there is always an agenda. They have a high censorship policy which boils down to "anything we disagree with, we delete." And they remove anything negative spoken about a company. The official line is some whitewash about legal protection, but the real reason is that owners watch out for other owners. And, let's face it, if you had a policy that allowed other ops to bash services, you'd either have to make the call to delete those pertaining to your own service, or leave them up. That would be a tough ethical choice and I think they'd rather not make it.
So the advice on EZBoard is mostly what the owners want you to hear. It puts forward their points of view, the practices in the industry they want to promote. I've read advice there given to newbie ops that made me want to choke. But, you know, you can't save everyone. Hopefully they get second opinions.
In addition to the EZBoard group, you have other forums that are company-owned, but more undercover about it. This is slink and sleaze to my thinking and the main reason I won't post on a message board registered to a "Domains By Proxy" type crap account. You also have, in addition to the owners, a lot of clients privately reading such boards. Guys gathering info quietly for both benign and nefarious purposes.
As you can see, the players and their purposes get twined and meshed. I don't envy anyone the job of trying to hold order amid such a cast of characters.
But, does blocking those who identify themselves really do any good? On one hand, of course, it will, if nothing else, keep them from opening their mouths. That's a bonus. "Owners will be seen and not heard within this PSO peer group" is a good message and perhaps the only real benefit this change will allow. There are, after all, many owners forums and mailing lists; owners don't really need to intrude upon a PSO community for the conversation (though they will).
Only now that we've barred those who are up-front about their identities, doesn't that just assure that only the most tricky and sneaky will wiggle under the fence? Then again, they'd get through no matter what -- their kind always does. So, is anything really gained?
I feel like I'm swimming upstream against a current made of my own backwash. I try so hard to present a positive view of this profession -- to assure those that I may be a prissy, sexually explicit, dirty little phone whore in playful spirit, but the services I offer are handled with ethical concern.
I wish it was a given in the minds of the mainstream that ethics are not only possible, but as natural in this profession as in any other. In mainstream business there are war profiteers and Enron scandals and any number of other breaches of good practice. There is no inherant lack of ethics in an industry where sex (or its psychological equal) is on the table. That this job is neither inherently bad or inherently good, but just a business that happens to involve some tricky intimacy mines to navigate. I feel a little like being in the sex trade means I have to be twice as ethical because I'm presumed to be unethical. It's not fair, but it is the way of the world. And maybe that's why it goads me so much when petty concerns like this take over the positives in my mind.
Still, I feel I'm right. I think if you took a sampling of about any number of women working most jobs and any same number of women working phone sex, you'd find about the same percentages of behavior patterns, levels of conflict and ethical standards. For every PSO who screws a customer, there is a women working the register at Wal-Mart that's dipping her hand in the till, or shoving items in her purse before she heads home. I know that there are just as many women sitting in cubicals plotting against other women for no good reasons other than personal differences or competition. As Chris Rock says, every woman thinks there's another women who is out to destroy her.
I'd like to think it's only a woman issue -- a quirk of my sex, but there are male phone sex service owners that get in on it, too. I suppose that can be attributed to the strip club owner mindset, tho.
I'm just exhausted by it all sometimes. Working twice as hard to put my best foot forward and still being counted as a card-carrying member of the freak show. There ought to be merit badges for this kind of crap. "See here, this is my PSO message board badge."
Poor readers. I know you've gotten all this way, listening to me rant and ponder and you're probably thinking I'm leading up to some insight or personal position, but I'm really just frustrated and venting and no closer to knowing how to feel about this than I was two days ago when it came up.
The Yahoo group is, literally, the last semi-public place that's worth the time to hook up, converse, and debate with fellow PSOs (imho). I don't want to see it fold in on itself and become incestuous and protection-paranoid (not that I think it's there yet, but we all know how the writing on the wall starts for this kind of thing). At the same time, I don't want to see it tainted by those with agendas against the purpose of the group (I already had to take a breather because the owner bullshit was too ripe for a bit).
Mostly, I'm just glad it's not my call.
Maybe Rome is always doomed to fall against the invading horde. Maybe that's why our government can only come up with band-aid bullshit when they propose homeland security issues.
Isn't there a way to fix it so that invaders can't use your own systems and practices against you?
And, if not, then WHY NOT?
Is a happy medium always doomed to be a fragile temporary thing balancing between over-censorship and every-crazy-gets-a-ticket too free to be useful?
Blerg.
These are supposed to be the little things we don't take too seriously, aren't they? So why can't I get my head around this one and settle on a single position that feels right in my gut?
Fuck.
I really am glad this isn't my call.
Phone Sex by Doxy at 10:21 AM | permalink | talkback (0)
January 06, 2005
These Are The Boobies In My Neighborhood
Site Note: Don't Miss My New DOMAI Gallery
It probably will come as no surprise to anyone that has read my blog for any length of time that I am a “breast girl.” I’ve known this for a long time. If I had been born to this earth in the male form, I’d be a “breast man.” It’s not that I don’t like legs or tight little bums or the curve of a hip, arch of a back, nape of a neck, or the sublimely pointed toe. I like all those things just fine. But I have an achingly tender attraction to female breasts. I like looking at them. I like thinking about sucking on them and committing other assorted perversions upon them. They’re just fucking yummy.
Previously I did an entry on the cock-worshipping whore part of myself. Many of my male readers found this to not be their favorite entry (more likely they didn’t appreciate the visuals) which I find amusing, but understandable. Although it is a social double standard that doesn’t make sense given the history of our species. Let’s face it, male homosexuality was far more standard than female homosexuality historically. So, why is it that I can look at breasts all day and find them alternately tuggable, suckable, and spankable with a sense of girlish glee? Why don’t I have the knee-jerk “ew, but that’s another GIRL” reaction society so trains us to have? I simply don’t remember ever having that feeling (barring the first time I ever saw a lesbian porn video, and that sense of aversion I’ve since maintained because most “lesbian” porn is so badly done, pathetically unrealistic, and entirely un-sexy).
THE BOOBIES IN MY HARD DRIVE NEIGHBORHOOD
(Click to enlarge)
Thus the breast entry. There are A LOT of breasts on my hard drive. A LOT of them. So many that I decided, upon doing this entry to put together a little collage of sorts. The above image is a mere scattering – a bare glimpse of the mad teacup party of breasts that are on my hard drive. But these give you an idea about my flavors. I was happy with myself to find a variety. While the breasts I like are overwhelmingly anglo, there are also a healthy representation of Latin and Asian breasts. Shockingly I don’t have many black woman represented on my hard drive and I’m not sure why this is. To be honest I think that it is just hard finding the type of “pretty porn” I like of black models. The porn industry tends to hone in on the “ghetto princess” angle of porn when they present African-American girls and that’s just not what appeals to me. I’m not pointing any fingers, I’m just saying I get excited looking at vintage-style playboy-esque shots, not booty-call stripperella nasty nitty gritty stuff and the proliferation of black models is on the opposite side of the platform than my train arrives upon. I know that does the job for a lot of guys and I’m not knocking it. I just don’t get it by and large. But then I’m much more the aural and not the visual expert.
I don’t think there is a single pair of implants among my pretties. And although they run the spectrum from puffy to flat, from tiny to rubenesque, the overall theme seems to be natural. Although I do like them when they hang pretty and have large dark bumpy areolas. I’m sure there’s some Freudian reason that eludes me, but looking at the ones I save for my personal pleasure, it’s hard to argue with the evidence. Speaking of evidence, I missed TWO on THIS QUIZ but that’s because I’m convinced the answers are incorrect. But, see how you do. Incidentally, if anyone can identify #12 it’s making me crazy. I know these:
Can You Name These Breasts?
It’s not easy to gather a collection like this anymore unless you are a serious porn surfer. These days if you do any kind of Googling to find breast sizes/shapes of any sort (other than coming up with a disturbingly highly ranked number of sites on gynecomastia) you’ll likely get a smothering of turn-key porn portals that don’t yield anything even remotely pleasurable to your kink. This is a great annoyance in the porn industry although I suspect there are those who feel I am as guilty as the next. Everyone has their level of what draws the line between fun and classless. The line between bawdy fun girl and outright whore, etc. It’s the lines between burlesque performer and showgirl and stripper. Most of us have a general sense of the line in the same place, but there are those who are far from the norm on both sides.
This is where the porn industry is its own worst enemy. Most porn industry pros are all about more money by any means necessary instead of focusing on being in touch with the market. And that’s when all the trouble starts. Most people think porn is fun, but greed and the tactics it employs will suck the fun out of anything. This current circle-jerk of fucking over legitimate search engine results to spew your sites all over the top spots is just…well, silly and self defeating. If I’m looking for puffy breasts and all I find in the top twenty pages of Google is the same turnkey piece of shit site, that isn’t serving the market. And, instead of tricking me into joining your site all you’re going to do is make damn sure I never join your site or anything related to your company name, ever. It’s the same error that spammers make. Misspelling CIALI$ might get you through my spam filter, but do you REALLY think that means I’d ever consider buying it? If I can’t sign into Google and find “puffy breasts” when I want to, there’s just something wrong with the system. And when there’s something wrong like that, money is almost always at the center of it.
Or maybe I’m just jaded.
It is this semi-exhaustion with the porn industry that has me scaling back from my customary phone slut schedule and slinking off to tinker with other projects and allow my attention to be drawn elsewhere. Which brings me to the pink elephant in the living room.
Those who keep track will note that my schedule is now “by appointment only” and they will react with, I’m sure, a mixture of smugness, interest, and/or indifference to the fact. It goes against all slut logic to do this. I’m first and foremost a beck-and-call-girl after all. How dare I make such an elitist gesture?
Well, the truth is, I need to. Sex workers have a shelf-life. I was told this when I came to the business and it became clearer and clearer as time passed. It became stunningly real to me when Sus turned in her boots (although the sneaky little minx has teased us by showing back up at her new PORN HAPPY PROJECT site. Do the world a favor and chunk out a donation to her cause. We fucking miss her and if she’s only going to come back to promote her books we want to make sure she keeps fucking doing it – umm kay?
There is a fact to face: I don’t want to be the all-out crazy phone whore anymore. It’s like growing up in driving distance of South Beach; there comes a time when your hardcore clubbing days are just behind you. It doesn’t mean you’ll never dress up in slutty clothes again and go party, it just means it will be the exception rather than the rule.
The irony, of course, is that I am not tired of phone sex. I’m still every bit the addict I always have been and, I’m convinced, always will be. I still fucking love phone sex. But I’m tired of doing phone sex that isn’t *ME*. There was a time I didn’t mind donning a vicious dominatrix persona and spinning tales about raping slaves with my spike-heeled boots and making them drink from bowls of water they’d just washed my feet in. There was a time that drawing the kink out of a reluctant john was just part of the gig. But my patience has been peeled to its limit. I don’t want to drag the fucking fantasy out of men who don’t know how to ask for what they crave. And I don’t want to continue to play the part of a dominant bitch when what really excites me is the perverse taboo of Daddy’s girl and non-consent and submissiveness.
It’s trickiest with the submissive callers, really. I don’t want to do hardcore dom, but I don’t mind sensual dom. But, like with spammers and porn greed, that line is drawn different for everyone.
Taking calls by appointment only means I can get a feel for what a client wants before they call. A man who is shy on the phone generally isn’t in email. It gives me a comfort zone. I don’t have to have those ungodly uncomfortable farces of “what do you like?” / “oh…uh…everything.” I would imagine it is the one aspect where prostitutes have it better than phone sluts. If a guy wants to fuck you a certain way all he has to do is SHOW YOU. There isn’t this square dance of hemming and hawing.
There are those of you out there reading this who have the biggest prick of a boss that are thinking “oh boo hoo – poor Doxy has to cajole men into talking about sex – how hard can that possibly be?”
I know. I know. I know I have the best job in the whole fucking world for me. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. So I’m moving into a new phase of my profession. Sure, it makes me a little nervous, but I think I need to put together a little distance so that I can miss it. Maybe I’m a wimp with no right to complain because I get to do what I love and I should just shut up and lump it. But we all make choices to make our lives more pleasurable and sometimes those are hard calls and/or risks. Maybe this is one of those. Maybe it’ll piss off my clients to have to make an appointment and I’ll have to return to schedules and woo and whimper and take some spankings for being a bad girl.
Or maybe this ends up best of all worlds. It could happen. The truth is, I’ll always love being a phone slut. I’ll never “burn out” on that. But I’m done with wankers and bozos. I’ve put in my time with the dregs. There are too many quality, respectful clients out there to put up with the grind anymore. I’ve earned the reprieve. And while it makes the work-ethic in me flinch, that’s just part of tailoring your job to fit you when you’ve earned the right to do so.
I’ve garnered a client list of kind, respectful fellows who might want to rape my ass while I’m bound and gagged in a fantasy, but they’re my kind of perverts and they draw their lines similarly to the way I draw mine. And that works. For now.
Let’s see…what else goes on? The SpankBlog Rules are getting a lot of coverage on the “sex blog” circuit. It’s not really a bunch of rules, but good advice from anyone looking to add adult themed blogging to their lives. It amuses me to no end that when I started doing this there were no other phone sluts to speak of blogging and I got tons of hate mail about “giving away industry secrets.” Now every little slut that puts up a site links to a live journal or some other blog access. Unfortunately I break most of Spank Boss’ kind advice, but I’m just ornery that way. Frankly it bewilders me as to why I still have any readership to speak of considering how long I go between updates. Incidentally, his is a great spanking site. It gets a little too rough for my kink needs, but it’s yummy 9 times out of ten.
And just to end on a funny, here’s some perverse car pleasure:
The Pussy Bug
I think he should have a sign on front saying “please don’t lick the hood” because she does look good enough to eat doesn’t she?
Well, stick a fork in this entry. Suddenly I want to go have a nice little fantasy about being a bad girl with a spanking red bottom.
Love,
Idle Prattle | Naughty Bits | Phone Sex by Doxy at 12:30 PM | permalink | talkback (0)
