January 05, 2006

A Year Dead For Tax Reasons

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. ~ Dr. Carl Sagan

There is always that hulking burden of expectation after going a long period without updating a blog. There’s the implied betrayal of your reader base, the whispering guilt of shrugged-off responsibility, etc. It’s like not paying your taxes for a couple of years and then suddenly wondering where and how to pick up again. Except with the lapsed blogging there’s none of that pesky hauling off to jail for tax evasion, so it’s possible that parallel is a little less than accurate.

So, anyway, I’m officially blowing off any “What I Did on my Blogging Vacation” entries. There were holidays. There were friends. There was flu and cold season. There was phone sex. It was all very eventful and very boring at the same time.

Being as the hangover has nearly worn off I will be semi-responsible in this, my first entry back from the void (as well as continuing the tax theme of the previous paragraphs) and talk briefly about Tax Grrl.

A few months ago I got a rather snippy email from my accountant. In said email, he asked me to remove his name and contact information from the tax advice section of my website. It seems my Google juice was more powerful than any other page on the web which included his name and several of his clients had raised eyebrows.

The snippy tone of the email bothered me because I had told him when I became his client that I would be happy to promote his services if he wanted me to, but that I wasn’t sure how much of his company information he wanted on my website. His replay was a scoff and a smile and words to the effect of “what care I for the affairs of such close-minded mortals?”

I don't blame anyone for covering their own ass. I do blame them for trying to make me out to be the big bad wolftress in the process.

I removed his information that same day and e-mailed him back with a copy of our previous correspondence in which he specifically asked for his full company info to be listed on my site. I decided at that stage that it wasn’t enough to just list professionals that “accept” adult-industry clients, but that whenever possible I wanted to tout those genuine professionals who go the extra step in accommodating we naughty vixens of the wicked ways.

While my Phone Sex Tax Help Resource Page has listed Taxgrrl for some time now, I haven’t addressed it here directly in the blog. I’m also going to add her to my blogroll thru April (and possibly after). Generally I shy away from professionals that claim to “cater” to the adult industry (because often they say “cater” but mean “exploit) but Taxgrrl is a good egg and I’ve heard great feedback from others about her.

Located in Vermont, Taxgrrl handles all taxes (local, state, federal) for all 50 states (some states don’t have local/state taxes – there has to be some benefit to living in FL). She is a former Phone Sex Operator and has been doing adult industry returns off and on for several years. She has many PSO clients, but confidentiality is a tax preparer's (legal) obligation, so put aside all those cat-fighting instincts and recognize a good thing when you see it.

Taxgrrl doesn’t charge by the hour, but by the complexity of a return. Additional services, depending on how complex are quoted on an individual basis. She is also a teaching professional who will take the time to explain as much as you want to learn – her goal is that PSOs should not be beholden to a tax professional, but should be able to at least verify their own returns, even if they don’t want to do them. She makes a decided effort to help PSOs (and all adult industry workers) to take control of their finances and empower themselves to be financially proactive.

In addition to tax returns, she’s happy to discuss second-level finance management as well, including IRAs, ROTHs, advice for first-time homebuyers, Heath/Medical savings accounts, etc.

The average PSO return tends to average between $160 and $240 depending on which state you reside in and how complex your situation is. Obviously, the more complex and disorganized your finances are, the more expensive your return will be.

The best way to prepare for tax season is to always be aware that it's coming. Death and taxes, people, hiding under the covers solves nothing. The more organized you are, the less frantic you’ll find your preparations and the less murky gray areas you’ll be worried about. Keep good detailed records, keep multiple business endeavor transactions separate and don’t get behind. Paying estimated tax and being ahead of the game is crucial. The easiest way to sink into a helpless pit of debt is by starting your own business and half-assing your taxes.

See? Back from the void and feeling all helpful-like. Aren’t you glad you didn’t delete me from your RSS feeds?

Idle Prattle | Phone Sex by Doxy at 03:13 PM | permalink | talkback (1)

November 09, 2005

O Rose, Thou Art Sick

O Rose, thou art sick!
The invisible worm
That flies in the night,
In the howling storm,
Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy,
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.
~ William Blake, "The Sick Rose"

The phone sex industry is in an uproar over the whole Red Rose thing and I guess it’s time to talk about it here.

Up to now I haven’t addressed the closing of Red Rose Stories. Something didn’t seem right about it. The original statement posted on the front page of the site when it was brought to my attention has been altered at least once and it struck me as strange that there was no official statement of charges, etc. It reads much calmer now, but at the time was so defensive and passive-aggressive that it reeked of trying to hide something. If I felt righteous indignation regarding my treatment by a federal agency I would be providing as much legal information regarding my case as possible to encourage public outrage. I wrote to the site admin, but as of right now, none of my emails have been returned. I was on the fence. Obviously, I am concerned about the implications of a story site being closed down by a federal agency, but, it just seemed like there had to be more to it than what we were getting.

Info began circulating at places like YNot, XBiz, and even Boing Boing expressing concern over the closing, assuming it was part of an initiative that followed on the heels of the Max World Entertainment obscenity raid. But there still wasn’t enough information available for me to research on my own and form an opinion.

I still have a lot of questions.

The important thing here -- for me -- is to get all the facts before jumping to a conclusion. "How dare the government do X" is my instinct like everyone else in the industry these days, but there's still enough of ole devil’s advocate me left to want to know exactly what was involved.

Daze Reader and Darker Pleasures (article 1, article 2) have both started finding out more compelling information and asking some harder questions. Through Google cache and a few other information sources, it’s become clear that Red Rose Stories wasn’t targeted because of stories about group sex, or mainstream taboo issues (scat, edge-play, water-sports, etc). It’s pretty clear to me that this is about the fact that many of their stories included instances of sex with children. Not Lolita "hot teen girl" stuff that walks the line in mainstream America and fuels socially acceptable movies like American Beauty.

Nope. It's not going to be that easy, friends and neighbors.

Red Rose's Lolita section apparently had headers and categories for stories that included infants and toddlers having sex with adults. At least three of the stories from what I can discern appear to include toddler snuff. So the holier-than-thou blather once posted on the home page following the FBI’s raid was more than just a tad misleading. “Rosie’s” statement that “The ONLY legal sex stories are those that involve a man and a woman, consenting to MISSIONARY POSITION SEX, in a dark room” is hardly true and does a lot more to make her look like an ass than a victim of political harassment. I’m sure that’s why it no longer appears on the page.

Still, I think we need more to go on before taboo phone sex workers start to panic. But there is reason for concern.

Phone sex is a form of storytelling. All role-play activities are. The implications of stories being able to be categorized as criminal would be a gigantic step backwards for us as a society and would cripple the industry as it stands. Going after a story site would appear to go against the April 2002 Supreme Court ruling on Ashcroft v. Free Speech Coalition where it was decided that "virtual" child porn was not criminal because no actual children or criminal acts are involved.

There are at least three cases that I can think of that would be valid for the FBI to investigate this issue and possibly confiscate the site equipment. First, one of the contributing authors may have actually committed a crime against a minor and the story may be gathered for evidence of that or additional crimes. Second, one of the stories may depict similarities to a case currently under investigation to the point where its parallels requires investigation of a possible suspect. Finally, one or more of the stories may have been presented as a confession, whether for dramatic effect or not. In most of these cases it would also explain why the FBI isn’t saying anything about the case. Although it would be nice to have an official statement from them to go on.

I question whether the site has actually been closed down by the FBI. They may have taken the servers and back-ups and made it impossible for the site admin to recover the site's contents, but she obviously still has control enough to post a statement. It's entirely possible that if she had a back-up the site would still be functional. These are answers we don't have. We do know that there are instances in the past where the FBI has actually killed / taken over the domain itself. That obviously hasn't happened here. The effect is the same, but there is a difference in the actions.

This is one of those cases that make us ask ourselves the hard questions and decide if we have the courage of our convictions. That’s one reason the site would have been targeted if this is just an obscenity fishing expedition.

And that would be a problem. Not just for taboo erotica sites and taboo phone sex workers, but for free speech rights in a virtual age. And we’ve got to stick to our guns on the harder cases, or else we give them the inch that leads to the mile.

At the risk of losing half my reader base, I’ll state here and now that I have no problem with most underage fantasies. They make perfect sense to me from a social and biological perspective. We become sexually aware as children. We first start to masturbate and experience sexual pleasure as children. In ancient times children were married at or just prior to puberty and let's face it, it's only been a few decades since young teens (and in some cases pre-teens) married regularly in certain places of the US. It seems reasonable to me that our basic fantasies would include fantasies of virtual children wether as ourselves or as partners. It is a way of escaping the complications of our adult relationships. What is simpler to most adults than the memory of childhood? Our mating instinct often begins before puberty and our adult minds retain that. As we get older and discover the complexities of sexuality and the emotional rewards of consenting partners, we move away from those first primitive instincts, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t echoes deep in the chambers of the subconscious. And if someone wants to explore those thoughts and feelings in the form of a roleplay session with a phone sex girl then I believe that’s perfectly reasonable.

It’s one thing to fantasize about screwing around with a teenaged Lolita. It’s another thing entirely to act on the instinct. Sure, she looks hot in that skirt, and she’s probably a lot less complex than the wife back at home, but she also listens to the Backstreet Boys and can you really imagine wanting to have sex with anyone of any age who listens to modern boy bands?

Okay. I know. It’s not a joking matter. But, it’s a real example of how our fantasies aren’t reality and cannot be made criminal no matter how revolting they may seem to others. The lesson of Lester Burnham was that sure, a guy might jerk off thinking about the cheerleader next-door, but when faced with the reality of an immature girl right in front of him, he recognized the false-front of the fantasy. That moment is the difference between a sex criminal and the average person. The choice to physically act or not; the ability of the mind to recognize the jump from fantasy to reality is monumentally important.

And those of you aching to shake your fingers at the Bush administration for this should realize right now that it’s the liberals who have given the religious right this opening. The liberals are just as often on the wrong side of this issue. Ashcroft v. ACLU started out as
ACLU v. Reno. Don’t make this liberal v. conservative in your mind. It isn’t. The previous and next administrations will likely go after this just as aggressively.

I have taken my share of underage calls as a phone sex operator, although I never had one of those phone-sex urban legend instances where supposedly the PSO believes the caller is actually molesting someone while speaking with her. Had I ever really felt that was happening I would have notified authorities. That’s basic. But then I wouldn’t have rushed to that conclusion instantly and I would have had a serious discussion with the client.

Yes, it’s true you hear about cases as a PSO, but they’re always so unlikely. Can it have happened? Maybe, but it’s such an improbable scenario. It goes against all pathology of most child molesters that we know of -- a criminal base that not only encourages but actually thrives on utter secrecy. It's far more likely that an inexperienced phone sex entertainer got spooked and began playing "whatif" over and over in her mind and worked herself into a guilt fit. It happens. Some of these guys can really freak you out, and some of them love playing mind games and seeing if they can push your buttons. It happened to me with a psycho caller who wanted to talk about murdering people and sexually assaulting children with the body parts of his victims. Never spoke with the guy again and I'm not sure how I made it though the call. But when I talked later to other girls who had handled the same caller, they said his method was to simply find whatever a girl's limits were and push against them. He'd never been that extreme with any of the other girls he spoke with – mostly he’d been into graphic scat and rape with them. Apparently I wasn't shocked enough by his regular stuff and he had to get creative. Lucky me.

Still. As much as I could never take a call like that again, I don't think it should be illegal for anyone to do so. People say "wouldn't you feel different if you found out the guy was a serial killer?" And my answer is still no. I've talked to a lot of guys on the phone about sex. It's possible (if improbable) that I've spoken with a serial killer. If that highly unlikely event took place, it's possible I talked with him about an act he may or may not have committed upon a victim. If so, then he was a psycho before he called and it’s even more unlikely that I either contributed to his actions, or could have deterred them. Anyone who has ever had any real interaction with mentally disturbed individuals knows how ridiculous it is to think reality influences them. We like to think there are reasons, explanations, and/or contributing factors. Sometimes we can find links that appear to have some influence, but they never give us the whole story. The truth is we do not know. The science isn't there yet.

There is no empirical evidence that proves people act on their taboo fantasies. Yes, there is evidence to suggest that child molesters fantasize about sex with children, but, unless we can understand how many non-molesting individuals have these same types of fantasies we can’t know how unusual that is. Police find porn at most homes where domestic crimes are committed, but that's because an estimated 80% of American homes have some kind of porn in them. Does that mean porn incites domestic violence? If 80% of American homes had toasters, would the toasters be the cause of domestic violence? Legislators continue to submarine any funding for sexuality studies so we can only wonder.

I personally have now and likely will always fantasies about being underage in my *personal* fantasy life. Generally I am between 12 and 16 in such fantasies, but occasionally I dip younger. For people who were sexually aware at younger ages, I can understand those numbers going lower. True, toddler and infant stories make me inwardly flinch, but I'm sure the idea that I fantasize about being a pre-teen makes others flinch. Complicate this with the fact that snuff makes me extremely uncomfortable (personally) and, well, we're talking about the kind of porn that is going to be the most difficult for me to defend, and I still want all the facts before taking any kind of stand on Rose Red Story’s behalf.

Daze points out that there are two schools of thought: fantasies and stories contribute to action and/or fantasies and stories appease the appetite and prevent action. I think there are other schools of thought, but the truth is that no one knows and it doesn't matter. The virtual creation cannot be counted as a crime. You cannot police the mind. You cannot make a fictional story or a work of art into a crime. That's my bottom line. Nothing else matters to me. If we start to go in that direction it will be a day ten times more frightening to me than 9/11 ever could have been. Because then it isn’t an outside force coming after us, it’s a cancer inwardly eating our rights out of our own minds.

For the record, my personal beliefs are as follows:

1. I believe in the five -year rule. A twenty-one year old having consensual sex with a sixteen year old is not statutory rape (if it's rape-rape, that's a different issue). Anyone who is more than five years older than an underage partner and having consensual sex with them should face moderate legal reprimand depending on the circumstance. Again, non-consensual instances should have different (and more severe) punishments.

2. Statutory rape is not child molestation or pedophilia. There is a reason we have separate terms for things. A thirty year old guy who is sleeping with a sixteen year old girl is not the same as a thirty year old guy committing sexual acts upon a toddler and the punishments for these crimes should be vastly different. We need to stop labeling every sex act with an underage person as “child molesting” the same way we have to stop labeling all acts of violence as terrorism. Using blanket statements is good for sensationalizing mediocre crimes, but it builds up public skepticism toward facing the real problems.

3. Child molesting and/or child exploitation is a serious crime of the worst imaginable type, but it is limited to the actual physical act. People who buy/acquire real child pornography aren't people I want to buddy up with, but they have not physically committed any act upon a child. They should be compelled to hand over whatever physical evidence they have in their possession and to aid in whatever way they can to help trace it back to the people who did commit the actual crime. We're never going to catch the people actually doing harm if we allow police to spend time, money, and effort on going after the low-hanging fruit. It will always be easier to catch consumers, the goal is to catch the producers. Making it illegal to own also makes it more unlikely that discoveries will be reported. If a person stumbles upon child porn by accident in our current atmosphere they are far more likely to get rid of it than they are to hand it over to the authorities. This makes finding the bad guys harder.

4. Those people who actually commit crimes against children should face the gravest punishments we have available via our legal system. They may not have taken lives, but they have gambled on the health, safety, and mental well-being of a helpless person. They haven’t committed murder, but they’ve committed pretty much the next most vile thing to it. There isn't a room dark enough to keep these people in. This is why we have to actually catch them and protect children from them instead of passing laws that make no sense. We also need to talk to them, study them, and try to find out what makes them do the things they do so we can help prevent it if possible (although I suspect it is going to end up being something more like a chemical imbalance than it is a social influence once sciences gets to the point where we can uncover answers like these).

Every year it seems our government is trying to criminalize a new segment of our society in the name of protecting children. Anti-smoking laws, no-tolerance drug policy, zero-tolerance school policies, and, of course, anti-gay and anti-porn crusades. We are to the point where nearly everyone has, at one time or another, engaged in a criminal activity. It’s the democratic equal of original sin. This isn't the way a free society is supposed to work and I do not agree that it is the right way to protect our children. You don’t protect children from STDs by providing abstinence-only information; You don't protect children from drugs by busting the pothead down the street and you don't protect children by teaching them that one way to love is better than another and you don't protect children by busting people for crimes of the mind instead of going after the people actually physically committing acts against children. Because children know bullshit when they see it. Maybe they don’t consciously process that step, but they know when things seem wrong and they’ll experiment for themselves until they find their own answers even if it makes them feel guilty or wrong.

Shutting down a story site, even one as over the lines as Red Rose is like busting a guy for arson because he wrote a story about burning down a house. Sure, some people say "you have to be sick to even think of having sex with a child" but I don't think that's true. Is it anymore sick to write a story about a cannibal serial killer? You have to be sick to actually HAVE sex with a child, but to think about it? Do we really want to go there?

The implications this has for the phone sex industry are obvious. If it's illegal to write about underage sex, then it's not that big a step to making it illegal to talk about underage sex. And once underage sex and age-play virtual depictions are criminalized, then what's the next item on the list?

I think Rose Red Stories was stupid. Not “damn I forgot my keys” stupid, but “someone slap that fucking idiot” stupid. To be hosting stories that involve underage characters having sex in our current political atmosphere means you had better be ready for the legal battle to come. And when it comes you better come out swinging with more than the bullshit whimpering statement that was posted after they were shut down.

But stupidity isn't criminal. I don't have enough information about the case to know yet if there is or isn't a legitimate criminal complaint here, but it seems to me that regardless this is more than just a simple test of obscenity.

If it does turn out that it’s a battle about criminalizing stories, then the FBI did pick a site that it's going to be hard to defend and Red Rose pretty much custom picked themselves for the spotlight. There aren't a lot of lawyers jockeying to stand up and say that toddler snuff story porn deserves its day. But if it turns out that’s all there is to this case, then someone has to. Because if we don't stop those trying to criminalize the human mind, we're never going to be able to focus on stopping those who actually commit physical crimes.

But it isn’t going to be pretty. And with two wild card Supreme Court justices in the mix, I think some concern is warranted. I just find it hard to feel sanctimonious about defending toddler snuff stories and I really hate the fact that I might feel compelled to donate to a defense of it once all the facts of the case are made clear.

Naughty Bits | Phone Sex | Poli-Sci by Doxy at 04:30 AM | permalink | talkback (1)

October 07, 2005

Basic Phone Sex Slut Throat Care 101

The human voice is the organ of the soul. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I have a standard email that I send out to PSOs who write me inquiring about how to keep their vocal chords healthy. Since we're coming up on cold weather (the season when the request for this info increases) I thought I'd post this here.

In my experience, throat care and skin care have the same general philosophy:
#1 clean
#2 moisturize

Actually, now that I think of it, that philosophy works for a great number of things.

At any rate, I give you...

Doxy's Basic Phone Sex Slut Throat Care 101
(gathered over time from sources too numerous to credit)

1. You really should use a headset whenever you are on the phone for any length of time. Avoid cradling a telephone between your head and shoulder as it can cause muscle tension in the neck and put undue pressure on the throat.

2. Obviously, smoking is bad. In addition to the whole cancer thing it also burns away the mucus membranes that line the throat

3. Breath control exercises (no, not that kind of breath control) will decrease voice strain. Singers and stage performers learn to support their voices with deep breaths from the diaphragm - you should, too.

4. Try to never work with a sore throat. Sometimes you can't take the time off from work, but resting a sore throat will help it heal exponentially faster. "Working through" a sore, irritated, or infected throat can lead to more serious issues that will increase your downtime.

5. Fruits, veggies, and whole grains contain vitamins (A, E, C, etc) that help keep the mucus membranes which line the throat healthy; eat them (the grains and produce, not the membranes).

6. Avoid eating really spicy foods too often, especially if you have a sensitive stomach. Foods that irritate your stomach in this way can cause stomach acid to back up into your esophagus and then you're talking acid reflux. Trust me, the test for this alone is reason enough to avoid spicy food.

7. Always drink lots of water (six to eight full glasses per day) to help keep the mucus membranes of your throat moist. Drinking enough water daily is also believed by most medical sources to benefit your body in other ways (including skin health, kidney management, and weight loss). Dehydration is more common than you think and one of the first places affected is the throat.

8. If you drink bottled water, opt for the one with the highest fluoride content. If you have bottled water delivered to your home for use in a dispenser, ask your bottled water company which of their products has the highest fluoride content. Healthy teeth increase your mouth’s ability to ward off disease and/or infection.

9. Avoid caffeine drinks as much as possible and do not use them as substitutes for water or juice. Remember that even decaffeinated coffees, teas, and sodas can have some caffeine in them; marketing terms like "reduced caffeine" are often misleading. If you drink colas, teas, or coffees with caffeine remember that they do not replace your six to eight glasses of water per day.

10. If you drink alcohol, make sure you drink lots of water at the same time. Not only is this good for avoiding hangovers and other side-effects of over-indulging, it will also help your throat. Your wine glass at the dinner table should be no more empty than your water glass. Excessive alcohol consumption irritates -- you guessed it -- the mucous membranes that line the throat. Of course if you're binge drinking you probably have a few more important things to take care of in your life before throat care makes the top ten.

11. Get rid of your alcohol-based mouthwash, or if you want to use one, only use it to rinse your mouth -- never to gargle. To gargle use a salt water solution or hydrogen peroxide.

12. Good oral care and cleaning habits are essential. Brushing isn’t only for your teeth, but for your entire mouth: gums, inner cheeks, tongue, etc. Avoid being too hard on your inner cheeks and gums, as you don’t want to irritate them, but gentle brushing of these areas will keep them healthy and reduce infection. Brushing/scraping your tongue will get rid of the typical bacteria that accumulates toward the throat. Such bacteria contributes to dry mouth (those silly mucus membranes again), and are also the leading cause of bad breath.

13. Wash your hands regularly and keep anti-bacterial hand gel/lotion close by. Your hands are the parts of your body that come into contact with your mouth the most and are the most likely sources of bacteria.

14. If your house is dry, or if you run the heater a lot in wintertime, invest in a good humidifier, especially for your bedroom.

Obviously, this list demonstrates an "ideal" set of factors. Life wouldn't be any fun without the occasional margarita or bowl of jambalaya.

I personally alternate my tooth brushing between fluoride toothpaste and baking soda. The baking soda is gritty, but it leaves my mouth feeling healthy -- that same extra-clean feeling you get from a nice skin exfoliation treatment. Brushing with baking soda regularly might taste nasty, but it also means you'll likely never need "teeth whitening" products. I also find that when gargling with hydrogen peroxide or salt water solution, it's best to hold your nose and have a shot of oral rinse ready to get the flavor gone as fast as possible.

Phone Sex by Doxy at 05:50 AM | permalink | talkback (0)

September 22, 2005

Phone Sex Called On Account Of Pet

We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words. ~ Anna Sewell

I will not be taking phone sex calls for the next 10 days or so. Please mark your calendars, kiddos. If you've sent in a request for a new appointment, bear with me, I'll be responding as soon as I have an opportunity to figure out when my next available appointments will be. If you're a regular and you haven't been able to get an answer, please bear with me as well.

If you've just sent regular email, I can't honestly say when I'll be answering that, either.

In light of the fact that Texas and Louisiana are going to get smacked to holy hell by a hurricane the size of...well, Texas, I'm not going to bitch and moan too much, but if you care to know why I'm on phone sex slut hiatus, feel free to read after the cut.

Some time ago, my very precious, very spoiled pup started limping. Having owned dogs my entire life, I wasn't worried. Dogs limp all the time for many reasons. Generally it works itself out.

Only he kept limping. So, after probing where it hurt and observing that he was only limping part of the time, I figured it was a minor pull. So I let some more time go by.

And he kept limping. The confusing point was that he didn't exhibit any real pain. No whimpering. No loss of appetite. No change in behavior. A dog in pain usually finds a way to let you know. There wasn't anything but the off and on limp.

I finally caved and took him into the vet. Although it really seemed like his injury wasn't very serious (he was only limping half the time and was fine otherwise).

Patellar Luxation is the dislocation of the patella (kneecap) where the kneecap dislocates toward the inside or outside of the leg, or may move freely back and forth. The last version (back and forth) is the worst. That's what my boy had. Which meant he had been in quite a bit of pain, even if the stoic little soldier wasn't showing it.

There were a couple things to take care of before the operation, but he finally had his surgery on Wednesday the 21st. The poor little guy is so pathetic. His rear is completely shaved (he's bright pink wherever there is no fur) and his right rear leg is completely mummified with bandages and tape (as well as swathed in cellophane to keep it dry in case of accidents). He's also on a regimen of drugs -- all of which must be taken with food. Metacam, Torbutrol, Baytril, and he's got to take Glucosamine pills that are bigger than him.

If he was stoic before, he's very verbal about his pain and confusion now. I've had about 5 hours sleep in the last 48 hours. It isn't a big deal compared to facing a hurricane bearing down on you, but it's enough to make me unable to get into the mood. Plus I can't imagine there are many phone sex clients out there who would accept the whimpering sounds of a small dog in pain as a turn on.

So this phone sex slut is out of commission with her trusty pup for about ten days until the bandages come off and the healing begins. Hopefully by then I'll be able to catch up on my sleep.

Phone Sex by Doxy at 11:53 PM | permalink | talkback (2)

August 25, 2005

Le Bordel de Hutch

After I die I shall return to earth as the doorkeeper of a bordello and I won't let a one of you in. ~ Arturo Toscanini

It has been a long time since I have done an entry about a phone sex client. The reason for this, of course, is because I've shifted my practices in the industry. And that has proved the basis of several revelations which were probably obvious to most that have known me for any length of time now. Sometimes even a good phone slut can just be slow.

When I was taking dispatch calls, I worked under the assumed name I selected when I started work for my first phone sex company. The men who called knew me as "Zoë" and not Doxy. As such, I thought there was greater freedom to what I wrote. I could be honest and critical or funny and catty without the hassle of someone taking it the wrong way and complaining to the company. I didn't want to cause Rio any headaches.

Johns were fun to write about because there is a certain percentage of them that fit into "types" and explaining the types of calls is a good beginner's insight into the job of phone sex. I also took call after call after call (working dispatch) and revealing a new type and/or individual every few days wasn't difficult.

Over time, it became clear to me that most if not all my clients enjoyed the way I wrote about them (when they knew about it). If there were objectors, I never heard from them. The ones who found me via the web or who just read the diary and thought of themselves as one of the "types" listed were not offended, but generally amused. I've also never had a client complain about being referred to as a "john" or be offended because his kink was written about with sarcasm and/or amusement. I wish I could say the same for my fellow sluts, but well, I can't. By and large, the flack I've gotten over this journal has been from the PSO community and right wing nutjob sect.

But the phone sex clients I've attracted through Phone Slut Diary / Phone Slut Blog are a different level of clientele. Or, to be more accurate, the nature of the business relationship between myself and my current clients has evolved to a different level.

Doxy is a much more "real" part of myself than "Zoë" ever was. "Zoë" took every call that came in, regardless of what kink or client was involved and she convinced every john she talked to that his kink was her favorite. "Zoë" performed mostly "get him off in fifteen minutes or less" sessions. As such, "Zoë" was much closer to the average phone sex worker than I am now.

As Doxy, I'm far, far more spoiled. I don't do calls under 30 minutes anymore. It's been ages since I even tried to hurry a session just to get the client off. These days, I engage in long, leisurely sessions where I learn more about my clients' personal lives, feelings and sexual depth. (Don't get me wrong -- I *do* also get them off.)

It's harder to poke fun and be sarcastic about people whom you spend hours per month speaking with and developing an (albeit, guarded) camaraderie with. My clients now have evolved beyond a few snide observations or a single punchline. Writing about them with flippancy feels insincere and immature.

It's possible I've evolved within this industry. Blerg. A sex grown-up. How droll.

At any rate, it's high time I did an entry about a client again. If for no other reason than to provide compare and contrast materials from those I used to write about at the genesis of this Diary/Blog's evolution.

And I can think of no one I'd rather write about than Jeb "Hutch" Tenor.

Hutch is an older client, as are the majority of my regulars these days. I suppose it's something about my "Daddy's little girl" fetish that attracts them. He's been in a wonderful marriage for more decades than I've been alive, but, as with so many men I speak with, there are simply sexual disconnects at home. And there is only so much couples therapy and uncomfortable conversation you can endure until you just give up, take stock, and decide to stay or leave and make adjustments.

I speak to husbands like Hutch regularly both on the job and off. Enough to know that two people can line up and be soul mates in dozens of different ways and still be utterly at odds regarding their mutual sexuality. I imagine there are wives dealing with the same problems from the opposite side of matters, but I don't speak with them nearly as often.

At any rate, Hutch is 95% happily married but that other 5% is the BIG ONE. And so, Hutch had to decide -- does he bury his sexuality forever, or find outlets? Then if he opts to look for an outlet, does he find a physical outlet, or a fantasy outlet? Hard questions.

A physical outlet can be more fulfilling. I'm damn good at what I do, but I still fall short of a warm, sultry body in bed beside you. Still, physical outlets have more pitfalls. With greater reward comes greater risk. For one, finding the right sultry body is often challenging and there are serious physical health concerns and the annoying occasional legal concern. Also, while some might find my rates to be steep, I'm still less than half the price of a descent escort. Thus, men like Hutch often weigh their options and I end up a lucky little slut with a Grade-A new client.

The evolution of my and Hutch's playtime has been fascinating for me. In my first call with Hutch, I had him pegged as a Dr. Kissing-Her which is a pretty standard fantasy type. The scene: a compromising situation centering upon a young woman in her kindly older doctor's office and a little coercion later cuts to the oh-so-respectable Doc with his hands in naughty places. This is a much more complex and seduction-based fantasy than the "gas her and have your way with her while she's under" fantasy that I think of more as a Dr. Octopus fantasy.

However, we left the Dr. Kissing-Her fantasies behind in the dust of our first two sessions and established what we now affectionately refer to as "The Bordello."

The Bordello is a family-run business that started quite simply with a Mommy cast as a lady of the night partnered with her friendly neighborhood pimp-daddy (who also happened to be her husband). In the regular post-fantasy psycho analysis that Hutch and I engage in, we explored the idea that such an arrangement was a fantasy way to sexualize his real-life wife.

Unlike many of my clients who experience sexual frustration with their partners, Hutch's fantasies are free of hostility. He is simply a very gentle soul. By which I do not mean that he has no sense of anger or hostility or violence. We're human animals and we have those elements in us. But he takes no pleasure in them.

This is a source of ongoing curiosity for me because it is so contrary to the norm. Most often when a partner that is sexually frustrated engages in a fantasy session with me which includes a character based on their partner, it is generally in a somewhat violent venting capacity. The character-partner is generally placed in situations of physical sexual vulnerability or humiliation/exploitation. It is not at all unusual to have a client want to talk about his wife being raped or tricked into a gang-bang, or being forced to watch her husband engage in sexual acts with other women while she's hog-tied and ball-gagged.

Any Psyche 101 student understands the basis of such fantasy and the obvious therapeutic value they can have (although I imagine the wives themselves would be shocked out of their mittens to hear them). And I don't kid myself. I don't have a degree that would allow me to professionally state they're all engaging in healthy outlets. But common sense gives me a pretty reliable instinct of when something is an expression of emotion and when it's harmful foul play. I think taking power over their partners in fantasy is merely a way of venting frustration for the lack of power they feel one-on-one in their relationships. But then, who knows what evil lies within the hearts of men?

It varies from client to client, in my experience, as to whether these fantasies display an active (or latent) disrespect toward the partner. Most often these men have the utmost respect and concern for their spouses or significant others in the light of day. But the dark often beckons us in fantasy play.

Still, callers like this are almost always far more benign than you can imagine. Most of you reading this journal entry wouldn't believe the hours I've spent listening to my clients boast about their spouses and significant others. Yes, I hear about the sexual dysfunctions of their relationships, but I also hear about how incredible they are as moms, or how amazing they are as companions. A typical statement is something like "I just know we could be perfectly happy together if she could just get over X." X is generally some combination of sexual hang-ups. Of course the wife is probably thinking "We could be so happy together if he'd just stop asking for sex act X."

Ne'er the twain shall meet.

There are those would would feel that using a phone sex service in itself is an act of disrespect. I'm obviously biased when I state that I disagree.

First of all, most of my clients like this have generally spent many years in expensive therapy that has left them right back where they started (or close to it). Except now they know all these new psyche terms and role-play conflict resolution techniques they can use at parties. My rates are lower than the average therapy session and they get to make themselves all sticky after -- so, you know, bonus. Seriously, though, by and large, you just can't make everything line up and play nice when it comes to relationships.

A good friend once told me that he married with his "head" and not his heart. This yielded him a good mate, a extraordinary mother, a charming, kind-hearted companion and years of sexual dysfunction that he's still bogged down in. I think many of my clients married with some combination of their heads and their hearts and completely forgot about their cocks. Granted, going around life led by your balls is a bad idea, but when choosing a life partner, I like to think it's a good idea to remember your balls do require some attention now and then.

As to the disrespect, I say eye of the beholder comes into play. Let's remember, these guys are opting to use phone sex in place of escort services often because they don't want to put their partner in any physical health risk resulting from their chosen sexual outlet. And, while fidelity is a nice concept, I'm not one to advocate hanging on a sexual cross one's entire life.

Yeah, okay, I'm biased. It would probably be hard for me to admit my bread and butter was bad, even if I thought that way. But I've had some of these clients for years now. I know them and intimate details of their marriages. And, by and large, my influence has been helpful rather than harmful. You can't imagine how many guys don't know how to shop for their wives' birthdays, or don't realize how the simplest little detail can make the difference between "aren't you dead yet" and "honey, I'm so sorry."

As a Cyrano, I'm occasionally brilliant on their behalf and the rest of the time, I like to think that I do no harm and help to keep their head...errr...heads on straight.

We can't control the fantasies our minds generate. I know I can't. And sometimes it's better to lean into the fall instead of fighting it. The clients I deal with are all too aware that the fantasy wives they exploit in our sessions are completely separate beings from the women they share their lives with.

And Hutch is acutely aware of this when we discuss it in one of our plummy amateur psycho-analysis sessions.

I do often regret that the one unhappy seed in otherwise healthy marriages is the same thing that makes my favorite clients need my services. But I don't create those situations. And, in the cases where such clients have made progress with their wives in addressing sexual disconnects, I like to think I've always been supportive and encouraging, even when it meant losing that client. So, I don't spend too must angst in the dwelling.

But, anyway, I'm engaging in major digression.

Hutch doesn't engage in exploitation and/or humiliation when he sexualizes his wife in our fantasies. Quite the opposite, she is generally the character in the position of greatest sexual prowess and power. Her services are for sale in the fantasies, but she's always an expert seductress in high demand. She enjoys what she does and does it well. Her services are rendered in very intimate and almost gentle forms and it testifies to the affection and respect he has for her in all other walks of their life together.

Such sessions always leave me wanting to dial her up and explain "you know, this man is insanely in love with you -- I promise you that blowjobs can be lots of fun if you'll open your mind and let me walk you through one." Although I don't kid myself that such a conversation could ever take place.

Plus, I'm always well aware I only get half the story from a necessarily limited first-person perspective. But I feel a general sense of affection and kinship toward such women and although I know they'd likely see my involvement in their relationships as a great betrayal, I feel kind of honored to keep their secrets safe within the confines of sexual fantasy. The basis of that mindset is far too complicated a part of my psyche to be the fodder for a sex blog, but it is what it is. I don't resent, disrespect, blame, feel superior to, or mock any of these women. I feel a certain sense of bizarre sisterhood toward them -- like someone who gets to watch the life of another only through glass; experiencing them by an awkward pantomime based merely upon opinion and hearsay.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I digress. Again.

The Bordello has also expanded its services over time to include a young Doxy, (the ingénue of her expertly skilled Mommy) who services clients and then crawls into bed with Daddy to describe them. Newly added to the cast is Hutch Jr., a little scamp who has also been servicing clients as well as engaging in naughty romping adventures with Mom and Sis.

I like the Bordello. I like clients like Hutch. And I like the fact that this new phase of my profession has allowed me to focus on this type of developing relationship with my clients. But it has created a disconnect between myself and the "average phone slut" as obvious and steep as the disconnect that often exists between my clients and their partners.

When I started Phone Sex Slut Diary (here morphed into Blog), it was to present an average working girl's perspective. But, either due to time or personal quirkiness I've come to realize I'm not the average working girl. I'm not saying I'm better. I'm just saying I'm different.

And I think, looking over my client base and the place in this industry where I find myself now, I'm getting to a place where I'm okay with that.

Phone Sex by Doxy at 10:42 AM | permalink | talkback (1)

June 25, 2005

Free Speech Coalition's 2257 Compromise & You

Free speech is the whole thing, the whole ball game. Free speech is life itself. ~ Salman Rushdie

If you are not a member of the Free Speech Coalition you might want to think about joining....umm...now. They're one of the few legal defense teams that adult webmasters/bloggers have right now. The membership fees go toward legal defenses. Depending on how deep you are in the industry, the membership fees vary, but an independent or blogger with a DBA should be able to get in at the $50 individual membership level. If you own your own company, etc, then it goes up. Although they do allow you to pay on monthly installments.

Currently, they've got an injunction that protects their members against DOJ 2257 investigation for at least the next month, until a judge holds a preliminary injunction hearing on August 8th. Plus they're not just handing over their member list:

A master list of members will be submitted to the Special Master on Wednesday June 29, 2005, and will include all FSC members as of 2:00 p.m. pacific standard time, Saturday June 25, 2005.

At no time will the DoJ have direct access to the FSC membership list, which will remain under seal.

Joining gives you the opportunity to take an extra month to get your ducks in a row and also lets you sit back and watch what happens from a relatively safe distance for the moment. Not to mention actually contributing to the cause.

In order to get on the membership list by June 29th, the following appears on their website:

In response to the flood of new members, Free Speech Coalition is pleased to announce that all membership and 2257 litigation contributions can be processed over the telephone as of 6:00 a.m. Pacific Time, Friday morning, June 24, 2005, through 2:00 p.m, Saturday, June 25, 2005. Call 800.681.0403. Credit cards will be processed over the telephone.

If you're only in it for the 30 days of protection then a) hopefully my blog post here wasn't what tipped you off about it because the deadline is in like...an hour; b) you might not want to shill out $50 or more for a mere 30 days.

But it's there if you're interested.

Dox

Phone Sex | Poli-Sci by Doxy at 02:17 PM | permalink | talkback (0)

June 11, 2005

Vice Premiums

Everyone knows what a hypocrite is; that's the guy who gripes about the sex, violence and nudity on his VCR. ~ Zig Ziglar

Begin rant.

Umm. I'm warning you now. This is going to be one of those "get that girl a joint" entries.

Well, okay. But I put up signs and told you to run while you could. I blog, therefore I vent.

Operating in the sex industry (even phone sex, which I know is considered a twice-removed cousin by mainstream porn) and being an ethical, practical businessperson is often a very frustrating endeavor.

From the industry side, you watch as some people who cut corners, pander to the lowest common denominator, lie, cheat, steal and behave otherwise unethically appear to suffer little or no consequences for their actions while the good guys jump though arbitrary hoops just to keep their business afloat.

In phone sex, for example, I could name companies with dismal reputations for bouncing checks on their operators, scamming their clients, engaging in advertising tricks and scams and employing no end of other little sneak tactics.

I know -- I have this childish sense of fair play that just won't go away. I'd give anything to grow out of it.

To my credit, once I calm my temper down, I remember that will simply always be the way of business. For every legitimate company there is an Enron. For every person who dots the i's and crosses the t's there is a lazy slacker who leaves people in the lurch. At least in the sex industry, by and large, those who employ unethical practice don't lead to people dying, individuals losing their retirement next eggs, communities getting taxed into oblivion to make up for -- say, a power crisis, etc. An unethical judge, lawyer, doctor, CEO, is a far greater danger to society than a strip club owner gone mad with delusions of significance.

The truth is, in order to pose a danger to society, you have to have some kind of power. And the adult industry has no power. We get fucked from all sides in every way by as many parties as care to participate in the gangbang.

Now, you'll hear the argument that the sex industry attracts unsavory characters. So, let's address that concept. How can sex by itself attract anything more than another? Sex is inherent to us all and as such as varied and vast as the human race.

So, why does it seem that the sex industry has a disproportionate ratio of sleezebags to normies?

Simple. The government drives unsavory characters to sex.

Hang on. I'll show my work.

If you force an industry to operate on the fringes, it will attract fringe personalities. Prohibition funded organized crime. Does that mean that alcohol is intrinsically unethical? Are Coors, Budweiser, and all their brewery brethren tainted and evil? Or, was alcohol simply the gateway to organized crime in the 20s because fundies and government sheep gave the fringe element a chance to take over a socially embedded staple?

Sex, Inc. has this "riding the fence" position that really is enough to make a sane woman weep. The nutjob fundies can't ban sex (yet), but they seem to have no end of fun inspiring otherwise reasonable people to draw more lines about "right and wrong" than scar the plains of Nazca. Government organizations exploit and harass the sex industry because it distracts from the more serious problems they're not addressing. A nice round of vilifying sex shops and strip clubs is as good as tossing the fundies a teething ring to placate their self-righteous fangs. This is generally done in the name of "protecting" children, the elderly, the mentally/morally weak and/or kittens, puppies, and bunnies.

Government is sometimes called upon to make some hard calls. That's why we have a system. But policy to protect the public that strip one or many groups of their rights should actually 1) address a real problem and 2) stand a chance in hell of being effective.

And that's just the social harassment. I haven't even gotten into the monetary extortion.

Our country has an established history of taxing, or forcing a premium onto what they believe is "wrong" for us, so sex companies and individuals pay more for standard services under the guise of "what the market will bear."

You think it's ridiculous that you pay what you pay for a sex toy or service? Maybe so. But you should consider all the little ways a sex industry company gets fucked over and charged out the ears until the cost of producing said service or item requires hikes that would make gas station owners blush.

And king of this little fuck-over-the-adult-business-owner game is the advertising industry.

Thus, the catalyst for my little rant du jour.

If you want to advertise your adult business, you better have a nice bankroll, a lot of patience, a loose, accommodating sphincter, and a jar of Vaseline in tow.

There will be the standard garble about how/what/when/where you can and cannot advertise. These rules (dictated NOT by the market, but by greedy ad execs) range from common sense to out-of-their-fucking-minds.

Reasonable: An explicit ad might be appropriate for Hustler, whereas a less racy ad could find a home in Stuff.

Unreasonable: To place an ad in those more "mainstream" publications who lower themselves to graciously allow adult advertising in the "way back" sections of their venues, you can expect that your advertising will be tamed down until it pales in comparison to the liquor and Victoria's Secret glossy spreads.

Unreasonable Squared: While they're granting you permission to present your tawdry wares in their respectable publication, you'll tithe for the honor by paying anywhere from double to ten times what any other industry is asked to pay. Translation: you pay for worse placement with more severe content restrictions. And you better be happy they're so much as letting you sully their pristine little rag with your filthy presence.

Think I'm exaggerating?

Example 1: Washington City Paper

Paid Ads are for businesses, groups, or individuals that charge for their goods or services. The rate for paid ads is $18.50 for 25 words or less and 65¢ for each additional word.

The rate for Adult Services ads is $150 for 25 words or less and $3 for each additional word.

Example 2: Yahoo Directory Submit

For web sites that do not feature adult content or services, the Yahoo! Directory Submit service costs US$299 (nonrefundable) for each Directory listing that is submitted. Furthermore, for each listing accepted into the Directory, there is a recurring annual fee of US$299 to maintain the listing in the Directory for the subsequent year.

For sites that include adult content or services, the nonrefundable initial fee is US$600 and the recurring annual fee is US$600. The higher cost for sites with adult content reflects the fact that Yahoo! directory team uses a more complex and time-intensive review process for sites offering adult content and/or services.

More time-intensive review process my ass. That's Yahoo-speak for "we're going to charge you extra because we suspect our employees will be waking off while performing reviews."

I could go on and on with shit like this, but it just gets more and more depressing. But, you might want to keep this kind of thing in mind the next time you think that sex toy looks overpriced.

I don't mind so much defending myself to the mud slinging of fundamentalist hypocrites and sanctimonious windbags. I can take on a Bible thumper any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

I do mind legislation that serves no purpose other than to bar consenting adults from engaging in whatever fucking activity they opt to engage in in the privacy of their own bedrooms, or an establishment that provides substitute places of privacy, or services to aid in such private activities.

I do mind being charged EXTRA for the exact same services offered to any other business. I expecially mind when the services are not the same, but far inferior, and I'm treated like dirt in the process.

I do mind my billing options for my business dwindling because Mastercard and Visa are looking to drive out independent sex service providers by refusing services to third party processors if they accept adult industry clients. I pay my cable bill with my Visa card and Comcast has adult movies for sale at all hours. And I'll bet you my chargeback rate is a hell of a lot lower than Comcast's.

I love being a phone sex operator. I love the freedom and flexibility I gained by going independent. I worked hard to accomplish all I've accomplished, and I've helped others along the way when I can.

The idea that I may one day in the not-too-distant future have to surrender what I've built and go back to putting on suits and sitting in board rooms makes me physically ill.

It's this kind of mood that makes me think I need a submissive slave grunt to smack around for a few hours.

But I'm not bitter.

/rant

Naughty Bits | Phone Sex | Poli-Sci by Doxy at 09:30 AM | permalink | talkback (1)

June 09, 2005

Doxy's Way I: How To Get Started In Phone Sex

Natalie: You're not doing this right.
Jeremy: What the hell are we doing?
Natalie: Well I thought we were having phone sex, but I guess you just weren't interested.
Jeremy: We were having phone sex?
Natalie: Well not phone sex, but whatever. We were having sex.
Jeremy: I didn't even know.
Natalie: And frankly, it showed up in your performance.
Jeremy: I wasn't having sex.
Natalie: I know that, Jeremy, I was sitting here having sex all by myself.
Jeremy: You were having sex.
Natalie: Yes.
Jeremy: Well I think maybe you're not doin' it right.
Natalie: Call technical support.
~ Joshua Malina and Sabrina Lloyd from Sports Night (via Aaron "the man is a dialog god" Sorkin)

I get asked a lot of questions in the never-ending mill o' blather that is my daily in-box. By far the #1 email is generally some woman spilling to me her life story and ending by asking me how to "get started" in the phone sex business.

A while back I stopped answering these emails. There aren't enough hours in the day to answer all my mail, even if I wanted to. It would use me up. And I don't want to be used up. I want to still play silly video games, waste time with friends, get writing/other projects done and even post in message boards and/or communities if/when I feel inclined to do so without the crushing guilt of "I should really be answering email." I opted a while back not to become a slave to my inbox. Maybe it was a selfish and rude call, but I'm okay with that. It's the line I had to draw.

It is my hope that those people who don't get replies don't take it personally and understand that I'm a person with only so much time. If they don't understand that, well, there isn't much I can do about it.

That said, it's not that I don't care about these women. Many of them sound fabulous. They all have individual stories that continually touch me. Hardships and tough decisions, and a desire to change their lives for the better. If I could, I'd buy them all a Coke and keep them company.

So, in effort to not completely ignore these women, and to bridge the gap between me and those who pour their hearts out to me in what end up being one unanswered email after another, I'm going to try to dole out some info regarding "getting started" in this and (hopefully...maybe...please don't hold me to it...gulp) future entries.

A betting man would take the odds against my continuing this, but I'm going to try to stiff him with his ante.

This will likely be boring for many of you. You may want to skip to the next entry that features a scantily clad woman.

And -- just to be safe -- I'm adding one last caveat. This is MY advice and merely one opinion. Mine is hardly the only way. Take from it what you can use and be true to yourself and your goals. I'm not laying out a manifesto. I'm just sharing what I think will help, and expressing what I believe to be the right way.

Okay. Just so we're clear on that.

Still here?

Foolish mortal.

First things first. Before entering into a phone sex career, you really need to take personal stock and ask yourself the following:

1. Do I have a sensual voice, or a voice that fits a fetish?
If you don't, you'll have a hard time of it and you're better off working the counter at a local department store.

2. Can I check my moral judgment at the door?
This is one of the most difficult aspects of being a phone slut. What is sex-laced to your callers might be repulsive to you. Can you work beyond that and indulge your caller, even if you're horrified by their kink? If you're going to hold a ruler and play judge with people's sexual inclinations, you're lining up for the wrong gig. I'm not saying you can't have limits, but those limits need to include a healthy respect for the lizard that lives in the minds of all of us -- the primal sexuality id that wants to do dirty, filthy, wrong evil, often violent, generally immoral things. And you need to be able to identify and separate the guy who wants to rape a pre-teen girl in his lizard king fantasies from a criminal pathology that would commit such a thing in real life. If you're not able to see the distinction this job is going to cause you grief. It is my advice that if you are paranoia inclined or someone who sees the glass half-empty you'll be worrying and second guessing too much to enjoy your work and you'll be unhappy. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt (yes, even the ones that sound sick to you at first) and keep an open mind. Think about how much you'd hate to be judged for your own darkest secret. (Oh, if you don't have any dark secrets or thoughts, I also don't recommend this job -- it's out of your depth).

3. Am I able to separate business relationships from personal ones?
If you can't maintain limits between professional relationships and personal relationships, then you're going to get taken for a ride because a lot of today's phone sex callers are savvy guys who know how to manipulate what they want out of a girl. You need to be the one who sets limits. That's part of your job. You need to set a code in your head and stick to it. A guy that is trying to wheedle his way into your personal life needs to be firmly put in place -- even if it means losing his patronage. There are some girls who like to lead a guy on and make him feel like "more than a client" by inferring future meetings and promises of "someday." This is always going to end badly and the payday will not make up for how dirty you feel. I promise this you -- I can't count up to the number of times I've heard this story and it never has a happy ending. The voice on the other end of the line is a person and needs to be respected, but he is also a client and you are a professional and you need to establish the arm's length that this job demands. It's a tightrope.

4. Am I a "go out and get them" type, or a "let them come to me" type?
Some girls are comfortable with the hard sell and can promote themselves hardcore, others girls are more reserved. Both types can succeed in this business. Knowing your own ambition and/or drive is key. Knowing your strengths is mandatory. The answer to this question will largely determine what kind of service you'll end up working for.

5. Do I want this to be a career, or a job?
There is a big difference. If you're in this for the short haul (two years or less), then your goals and mindset should reflect that. If you plan on doing it a while, then your plan needs to be more long-term in nature and your goals tiered. If you're just looking for some fast cash for a few months, just go find something else to do.

6. Am I a sex-positive person who really will be comfortable talking to strangers about sex?
This may seem like a no-brainer for anyone contemplating work in this industry, but you'd be shocked at just how many people take up this job with the wrong mindset. Becoming a phone sex operator means you are choosing to become a sex industry worker. It means you should be sexually open-minded and inviting. It means you should be sex-curious and have sincere interest in the sexuality of others. It means you should should feel a sense of community with other sex workers (this does not exclude a sense of competition). You should like to watch, read, listen about, talk about, learn about, teach about sex. There are deep psychology factors at play in this industry, but they will never overshadow the fact that this gig is mostly about good ole ess-e-ex.

Now. All those questions are good to ask yourself. Knowing those answers will help you get your head in the right place. But if you're like most of us working this job, your definitions will change as time goes by. You'll get more jaded about some things and more mellow about others. You'll see from different perspectives. You'll get emotionally involved a time or two, even though you promised yourself you wouldn't. You're human. And this is a job where lines are written, erased, and redrawn in pencil. Permanent markers are hard to come by. Give yourself some slack and allow yourself a learning curve, but try your best to set your goals and stay on path and on target.

Keep a positive mindset, good momentum, a respect for karma (because my lovelies, it WILL come around) and a "do no harm" mantra and this job will treat you well. Respect it and always remember that losing respect for the gig is the first sign that you may be losing respect for yourself. And that's a big, honking warning sign.

Okay, enough editorializing and maiden mother crone bullshit wisdom.

Let's assume your head is in the right place. On to step two.

Practice.

Even before applying for a job you need to get some practice ON STRANGERS. It doesn't have to be a lot. Maybe five or six calls. Find a place online -- some online dating service is ideal. Try to AVOID the big ones -- craigslist, AOL chat rooms etc (more on why below). Find a nice little singles niche where you can drop an anonymous ad saying that you're looking to take a phone sex test drive on a few willing males. Trust me, you'll get more than a fair share of interest. This will not be a true test, because these men will not have the mindset of paying customers, but it will help you get your feet wet.

While indulging this experiment, keep in mind the following:
A. DO NOT advertise freebies in a place where you see other girls/services advertising paid services. You don't want to inadvertently make enemies. Seriously.
B. Protect your identity and keep the interactions completely anonymous. Remember that learning this is part of the goal. If you're unable to keep the pretend client at arm's length, you've failed one important part of this self-test.
C. Make sure YOU call them. If you don't have a flat-rate long distance service, then get one. Block your outgoing Caller ID on these calls (*67 before you dial in most areas) and don't call any guy on a toll-free line (toll free lines get Caller ID regardless of if you try and block or not because they're paying for the call). I'd use a calling card if there's any chance the calls will be local.
D. Try to make the experience as much like a paid call as possible. Set a time limit for yourself (10 minutes is a good rule of thumb) and see if you can work him up to orgasm in that amount of time. Also see if you're able to gracefully disengage at the proper time limit.
E. Practice casual chit-chat. This is harder than you think. Many guys when placed in an overtly sexual position suffer from "Uh, I don't know" syndrome. Learn how to probe them for what gets them off, while still remaining friendly and alluring -- sounding clinical only works for guys of a particular fetish. You need to feel natural talking about sex with strangers.
F. Make it clear in your ad that you're looking for a brief sex session only. Think how much you'd hate to feel fooled/used by someone in the reverse of the situation. It's never too early to start practicing good ethics, and just because it's anonymous doesn't mean it should be negative for either party.

Once you've built up a comfort zone for yourself and feel you're ready to go to the next level, you need to consider what kind of service you'd like to work for. Your options break down roughly to:

1. High Volume Dispatch.
This is the Phone Sex equal of a sweat shop. The pay is low, the hours are long, and the demands are high. Often you're answering one two-minute call after another. Your pay rates are generally variable based on how long you keep guys on the line. Because of this, there are many unethical companies who force hang ups to bring down your call times so that they don't have to pay you at a higher rate. You may or may not be able to take requests which means that guys could be calling over and over and hanging up trying to get the girl they want and those hang-ups will count against your call times. The service may require you to work long hours and may expect to be able to call you even if you're not logged in. This is trial by fire and while most ops cannot keep up this type of pace for the long haul, it's good (if often ugly) field experience. You'll take a lot of different types of calls over a short amount of time. You'll make roughly the same amount each week and be able to depend on your paycheck (assuming you choose a reputable company). You won't have time to dwell on one bad call that might have gone better. Your pay will likely be as low as $100-$200/week for someone who puts in the minimum time/effort to $500-$1000/week for someone who is ceaselessly logged in at all hours they're awake. These types of companies experience high roll-over rates and will generally hire anyone. Be warned, however that they also are often the type of service that advertises low prices and folds quick and you might get stiffed on pay. Always search around the message boards and do a Whois/Google/whatever search for company information.

2. Low/Mid Volume Dispatch.
These are the services I opted to work for almost the entire duration of my career before going independent. With these services you have a much more sporadic incoming call rate. You can take three calls an hour, or one every three hours. You might talk for 20 minutes one shift and 5 hours straight the next shift. Your pay rate will fluctuate, but generally will remain within a stable range once you hit your stride and build up a client base. I found that working for more than one of these services at a time was the way to go -- if you could get them to hire you. Many services are wary of girls who work for multiple companies and they'll want to see something positive out of you quick. It's good to have some experience under your belt before moving to these types of services. You'll be expected to generate requests from their client bases. You'll be expected to follow protocols with little drama and keep your schedule like a professional. There are a lot of girls who like to work this method, so if you're going to flake off, they'll replace you and if you're more trouble than you're worth, they'll replace you. I found it best to work long enough for one company and then talk to the owner and tell her you'd like to be logged in with one or two other companies at the same time. Most owners who run these types of services are understanding so long as you've proved yourself trustworthy and professional. They'll know they can count on you to give their service your equal effort as you will the others. If the owner isn't open to this, then you may need to move elsewhere if you're not making what you want to be making. It's very difficult to make a high amount of money working a single low/mid volume dispatch company. You can generally expect to make $300 - $800/week depending on their seasonal call volumes and how many hours you make yourself available.

3. Combination Service.
This is the kind of service that will expect you to troll/self-market to bring in your own clients as well as provide you with callers from their stock sites/advertising. I don't recommend starting with a trolling service unless (1) you've got a very outgoing personality and don't mind fishing for clients, or (2) they offer extensive training. Even still, you need to be an ace to survive in a trolling environment. You can expect to make between $300 to $1500 per week working for this kind of service. The low end is still hard work with potential long hours, and the high end is for top-of-the-line girls who are aggressive self-marketers.

4. Straight trolling.
So here's my take on trolling; I don't get it. It's not that it's wrong, it's just that I don't understand why girls opt to do this for certain companies. To my thinking, if I'm hanging out in a room for hours hooking my clients, then those are MY clients, not the service's clients. If I'm processing billing and self-marketing and working the line, and all a service is offering me is an occasional character on a website and a billing method -- then why am I "working" for them? I would ask some serious questions before working for a trolling service. Does your client base belong to you or the company in their mind? What marketing help / benefits do they offer? The women who troll are a breed different from those that work dispatch and I don't think we will ever completely understand each other. But if this type of service gels for you, then the odds are you'll do just fine when you want to move on to taking yourself independent. I've never worked trolling, but it is my understanding that your income level ranges from $400 to $1500 per week.

Please note that $1500 per week is NOT an average salary. That's the income level for a woman who sleeps, eats, lives phone sex and has kept up that pace for quite some time (logging in over 100 per week for at least a few months running). It means you've been online and available and clients are used to being able to contact you at all hours. It means you're GOOD at the job and at servicing a wide range of fetishes. It means you likely don't have a social life, a family to care for, plants that need a lot of watering, or an inner child to cry at you. I've never heard of a woman who works this pace for more than a few months without being slightly mental.

As a beginner you can reasonably expect to make $150 to $200 per week. As you build up your client base and get into the groove, you can expect an average of $300 to $600 per week as an good average where you still have a life and $600 to $800 as a super week with some extra good clients.

The get-rick-quick-for-barely-working days of phone sex are over. You missed them. If you're interested, they ended about the time Clinton took office and Al Gore starting claiming to invent the internet. In today's market you will work for your money and you will devote time and effort to it, or you won't earn. And if you don't put your taxes aside properly, you're going to end up with a very unhappy April surprise.

Okay. You've got to be exhausted with reading. I'm certainly done writing for the moment.

If I ever decide to delve into this stuff again...

Our Next Topic Will Be:
Deciding when/if to go independent.
(Wherein we discuss Niteflirt, ethical transitions, personal web sites, billing problems, our deep loathing for PayPal, advertising wastelands, and the difference between wanting to just simply work a job and becoming a smart business woman in today's deeply competitive phone sex industry).

Phone Sex by Doxy at 03:54 AM | permalink | talkback (2)

June 03, 2005

The Art of One Hand Driving

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. ~ Albert Einstein

I love this bumpersticker:

If my callers are any sort of yard stick, they're definately having the phone sex.

And they're on the dope.

Mirth | Phone Sex by Doxy at 05:02 AM | permalink | talkback (1)

May 22, 2005

Talkin' Phone Sex Community Blues

It's hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head. ~ Sally Kempton

Ironically, there was no category for "Phone Sex" before this entry in my blog. It seems that a phone sex slut blog would have a phone sex category. Not that those particular words are missing from my site, but, you know, I go to make an entry, select from my little dropdown of Primary Categories and there isn't one. What have I been blathering about all this time?

No one answer that.

Recently, there has been a bru-ha-ha in the one PSO forum that I've remained a semi-active member of. It's probably the only remaining source of legitimate PSO conversation that remains worth anyone's time and I'm pained to see it under fire.

We don't have water coolers. We don't have weekly meetings. What we do have is the occassional on-line forum. And, even under the best of circumstances, PSO forums are a sticky business.

You may well ask why.

Well, first you have the fact that many PSOs (and owners of PSO companies) tend to be a catty lot. Me? I'm catty to the nth degree. Sarcasm running fluent in my veins. But PSOs are a different breed of catty. It's like WWF with keyboards. Roller derby ain't got nothing on the hair pulling that goes on between phone sex sluts at a full rabid foaming froth.

I've often pondered the reason for this and I don't know that there is any one answer. In part, there is the competition factor, and in part I think there is the fact that being your own boss means you're not accustomed to answering to anyone but yourself. Then, there is the fact that because we are forced to fly below the radar of mainstream business, our practices are still a bit final frontier shoot-from-the-hip Kirk-like as opposed to let's-be-diplomatic-at-all-costs Picard-esque. And, unfortunately, there is the bad blood element. Girl X once fucked over Company Y and vengeance was vowed, etc and they both see red anytime the other is mentioned. Believe it or not, there are about a billion other sideline issues. What results is that, even under the best of circumstances a PSO community is no easy row to hoe (npi).

The topics flying loose and fast on the forum lately have included the fact that there are some of us who feel that certain practices drag down the industry and keep us as second-class citizens of the business world. Which is not to say I think I should have final (or any) say over who gets to do what with their own service. It's just that, as a community, you generally have a code of conduct most players agree on. Though there will be variations in marketing schemes and business ethics, we mostly like to believe there are some fundamental majority beliefs / opinions / whatever we can all agree on. But then there are always those who want to play the eternal devil's advocates and say black just because someone else says white. It was always thus, and the debate doesn't really do anyone real harm. Except its tedious. And, as you have probably gathered from reading my blog, I'm like a dog when a bone when it comes to a debate. Also I have an ornery little Southern girl temper and a repertoire of a million different ways to tell you to go fuck yourself.

Friends have offered me cash to stay off message boards. But I'm fueled by dialog and addicted to debate.

Anyway, the PSO community...

Because it's a private Yahoo group, there is a moderator (a good egg, and I wouldn't wish to take the reins from her for all the tea in China). I personally don't want to be a member of a forum that isn't moderated. I believe freedom of speech is most sacred among all our American doctrines, but, while protecting such freedom is the duty of our government (though, obviously not the current administration), it is not guaranteed to us by our peers carte blanche. People who don't understand this amuse me.

Yes, it would be nice to say that everyone has a right to their opinion in every forum, but, for those of us who have borne witness to great forums and mailing lists crumbling, the cause was ever some annoying bastard who didn't know when to leave the table, or who seemed relentlessly determined to play devil's advocate until no one cared anymore, or who just got off being the thorn in the collective side.

I have probably been that person on occasion, given my knack for passionate rhetoric, but that's neither here nor there.

Such freedom of speech has been of issue lately in the forum.

There are a number of phone sex operators (members) who are intimidated by the fact that phone sex service owners post in and monitor the group. We've had a number of owners posing as PSOs and wagging their agendas in everyone's face lately. It gets annoying. Kind of like sipping coffee in the break room and having a bitch session with co-workers only to have the company cheerleader come in and start tsk-tsking you.

The moderator has opted to ban owners/managers/etc from the group and I'm in full support of it, but I also have mixed feelings regarding the practicality of it. My overall belief is that owners, given their experience, could be good contributing members. The problem is all owners have a shifted point of view from the average PSO and, as such, their agendas and "advice" is often tainted. And, owners have the ability to be vindictive and fire ops just for speaking their minds -- an opportunity that ops don't hold against their peers. For a peer community, allowing people with higher powers to be counted as peers defeats at least part of the purpose.

Take for example, the most high profile EZboard community associated with Phone Sex. It's run by owners. Its traffic boosts the Google juice of those owners' sites. Nothing wrong with that, except that I don't think most of the ops who post there and/or link to the place know that. Which sort of irritates me, but then I was a geek girl who always did her homework and was bewildered that others didn't.

On the EZboard there is always an agenda. They have a high censorship policy which boils down to "anything we disagree with, we delete." And they remove anything negative spoken about a company. The official line is some whitewash about legal protection, but the real reason is that owners watch out for other owners. And, let's face it, if you had a policy that allowed other ops to bash services, you'd either have to make the call to delete those pertaining to your own service, or leave them up. That would be a tough ethical choice and I think they'd rather not make it.

So the advice on EZBoard is mostly what the owners want you to hear. It puts forward their points of view, the practices in the industry they want to promote. I've read advice there given to newbie ops that made me want to choke. But, you know, you can't save everyone. Hopefully they get second opinions.

In addition to the EZBoard group, you have other forums that are company-owned, but more undercover about it. This is slink and sleaze to my thinking and the main reason I won't post on a message board registered to a "Domains By Proxy" type crap account. You also have, in addition to the owners, a lot of clients privately reading such boards. Guys gathering info quietly for both benign and nefarious purposes.

As you can see, the players and their purposes get twined and meshed. I don't envy anyone the job of trying to hold order amid such a cast of characters.

But, does blocking those who identify themselves really do any good? On one hand, of course, it will, if nothing else, keep them from opening their mouths. That's a bonus. "Owners will be seen and not heard within this PSO peer group" is a good message and perhaps the only real benefit this change will allow. There are, after all, many owners forums and mailing lists; owners don't really need to intrude upon a PSO community for the conversation (though they will).

Only now that we've barred those who are up-front about their identities, doesn't that just assure that only the most tricky and sneaky will wiggle under the fence? Then again, they'd get through no matter what -- their kind always does. So, is anything really gained?

I feel like I'm swimming upstream against a current made of my own backwash. I try so hard to present a positive view of this profession -- to assure those that I may be a prissy, sexually explicit, dirty little phone whore in playful spirit, but the services I offer are handled with ethical concern.

I wish it was a given in the minds of the mainstream that ethics are not only possible, but as natural in this profession as in any other. In mainstream business there are war profiteers and Enron scandals and any number of other breaches of good practice. There is no inherant lack of ethics in an industry where sex (or its psychological equal) is on the table. That this job is neither inherently bad or inherently good, but just a business that happens to involve some tricky intimacy mines to navigate. I feel a little like being in the sex trade means I have to be twice as ethical because I'm presumed to be unethical. It's not fair, but it is the way of the world. And maybe that's why it goads me so much when petty concerns like this take over the positives in my mind.

Still, I feel I'm right. I think if you took a sampling of about any number of women working most jobs and any same number of women working phone sex, you'd find about the same percentages of behavior patterns, levels of conflict and ethical standards. For every PSO who screws a customer, there is a women working the register at Wal-Mart that's dipping her hand in the till, or shoving items in her purse before she heads home. I know that there are just as many women sitting in cubicals plotting against other women for no good reasons other than personal differences or competition. As Chris Rock says, every woman thinks there's another women who is out to destroy her.

I'd like to think it's only a woman issue -- a quirk of my sex, but there are male phone sex service owners that get in on it, too. I suppose that can be attributed to the strip club owner mindset, tho.

I'm just exhausted by it all sometimes. Working twice as hard to put my best foot forward and still being counted as a card-carrying member of the freak show. There ought to be merit badges for this kind of crap. "See here, this is my PSO message board badge."

Poor readers. I know you've gotten all this way, listening to me rant and ponder and you're probably thinking I'm leading up to some insight or personal position, but I'm really just frustrated and venting and no closer to knowing how to feel about this than I was two days ago when it came up.

The Yahoo group is, literally, the last semi-public place that's worth the time to hook up, converse, and debate with fellow PSOs (imho). I don't want to see it fold in on itself and become incestuous and protection-paranoid (not that I think it's there yet, but we all know how the writing on the wall starts for this kind of thing). At the same time, I don't want to see it tainted by those with agendas against the purpose of the group (I already had to take a breather because the owner bullshit was too ripe for a bit).

Mostly, I'm just glad it's not my call.

Maybe Rome is always doomed to fall against the invading horde. Maybe that's why our government can only come up with band-aid bullshit when they propose homeland security issues.

Isn't there a way to fix it so that invaders can't use your own systems and practices against you?

And, if not, then WHY NOT?

Is a happy medium always doomed to be a fragile temporary thing balancing between over-censorship and every-crazy-gets-a-ticket too free to be useful?

Blerg.

These are supposed to be the little things we don't take too seriously, aren't they? So why can't I get my head around this one and settle on a single position that feels right in my gut?

Fuck.

I really am glad this isn't my call.

Phone Sex by Doxy at 10:21 AM | permalink | talkback (0)

January 06, 2005

These Are The Boobies In My Neighborhood

Site Note: Don't Miss My New DOMAI Gallery

It probably will come as no surprise to anyone that has read my blog for any length of time that I am a “breast girl.” I’ve known this for a long time. If I had been born to this earth in the male form, I’d be a “breast man.” It’s not that I don’t like legs or tight little bums or the curve of a hip, arch of a back, nape of a neck, or the sublimely pointed toe. I like all those things just fine. But I have an achingly tender attraction to female breasts. I like looking at them. I like thinking about sucking on them and committing other assorted perversions upon them. They’re just fucking yummy.

Previously I did an entry on the cock-worshipping whore part of myself. Many of my male readers found this to not be their favorite entry (more likely they didn’t appreciate the visuals) which I find amusing, but understandable. Although it is a social double standard that doesn’t make sense given the history of our species. Let’s face it, male homosexuality was far more standard than female homosexuality historically. So, why is it that I can look at breasts all day and find them alternately tuggable, suckable, and spankable with a sense of girlish glee? Why don’t I have the knee-jerk “ew, but that’s another GIRL” reaction society so trains us to have? I simply don’t remember ever having that feeling (barring the first time I ever saw a lesbian porn video, and that sense of aversion I’ve since maintained because most “lesbian” porn is so badly done, pathetically unrealistic, and entirely un-sexy).

THE BOOBIES IN MY HARD DRIVE NEIGHBORHOOD
(Click to enlarge)

Thus the breast entry. There are A LOT of breasts on my hard drive. A LOT of them. So many that I decided, upon doing this entry to put together a little collage of sorts. The above image is a mere scattering – a bare glimpse of the mad teacup party of breasts that are on my hard drive. But these give you an idea about my flavors. I was happy with myself to find a variety. While the breasts I like are overwhelmingly anglo, there are also a healthy representation of Latin and Asian breasts. Shockingly I don’t have many black woman represented on my hard drive and I’m not sure why this is. To be honest I think that it is just hard finding the type of “pretty porn” I like of black models. The porn industry tends to hone in on the “ghetto princess” angle of porn when they present African-American girls and that’s just not what appeals to me. I’m not pointing any fingers, I’m just saying I get excited looking at vintage-style playboy-esque shots, not booty-call stripperella nasty nitty gritty stuff and the proliferation of black models is on the opposite side of the platform than my train arrives upon. I know that does the job for a lot of guys and I’m not knocking it. I just don’t get it by and large. But then I’m much more the aural and not the visual expert.

I don’t think there is a single pair of implants among my pretties. And although they run the spectrum from puffy to flat, from tiny to rubenesque, the overall theme seems to be natural. Although I do like them when they hang pretty and have large dark bumpy areolas. I’m sure there’s some Freudian reason that eludes me, but looking at the ones I save for my personal pleasure, it’s hard to argue with the evidence. Speaking of evidence, I missed TWO on THIS QUIZ but that’s because I’m convinced the answers are incorrect. But, see how you do. Incidentally, if anyone can identify #12 it’s making me crazy. I know these:

Can You Name These Breasts?

It’s not easy to gather a collection like this anymore unless you are a serious porn surfer. These days if you do any kind of Googling to find breast sizes/shapes of any sort (other than coming up with a disturbingly highly ranked number of sites on gynecomastia) you’ll likely get a smothering of turn-key porn portals that don’t yield anything even remotely pleasurable to your kink. This is a great annoyance in the porn industry although I suspect there are those who feel I am as guilty as the next. Everyone has their level of what draws the line between fun and classless. The line between bawdy fun girl and outright whore, etc. It’s the lines between burlesque performer and showgirl and stripper. Most of us have a general sense of the line in the same place, but there are those who are far from the norm on both sides.

This is where the porn industry is its own worst enemy. Most porn industry pros are all about more money by any means necessary instead of focusing on being in touch with the market. And that’s when all the trouble starts. Most people think porn is fun, but greed and the tactics it employs will suck the fun out of anything. This current circle-jerk of fucking over legitimate search engine results to spew your sites all over the top spots is just…well, silly and self defeating. If I’m looking for puffy breasts and all I find in the top twenty pages of Google is the same turnkey piece of shit site, that isn’t serving the market. And, instead of tricking me into joining your site all you’re going to do is make damn sure I never join your site or anything related to your company name, ever. It’s the same error that spammers make. Misspelling CIALI$ might get you through my spam filter, but do you REALLY think that means I’d ever consider buying it? If I can’t sign into Google and find “puffy breasts” when I want to, there’s just something wrong with the system. And when there’s something wrong like that, money is almost always at the center of it.

Or maybe I’m just jaded.

It is this semi-exhaustion with the porn industry that has me scaling back from my customary phone slut schedule and slinking off to tinker with other projects and allow my attention to be drawn elsewhere. Which brings me to the pink elephant in the living room.

Those who keep track will note that my schedule is now “by appointment only” and they will react with, I’m sure, a mixture of smugness, interest, and/or indifference to the fact. It goes against all slut logic to do this. I’m first and foremost a beck-and-call-girl after all. How dare I make such an elitist gesture?

Well, the truth is, I need to. Sex workers have a shelf-life. I was told this when I came to the business and it became clearer and clearer as time passed. It became stunningly real to me when Sus turned in her boots (although the sneaky little minx has teased us by showing back up at her new PORN HAPPY PROJECT site. Do the world a favor and chunk out a donation to her cause. We fucking miss her and if she’s only going to come back to promote her books we want to make sure she keeps fucking doing it – umm kay?

There is a fact to face: I don’t want to be the all-out crazy phone whore anymore. It’s like growing up in driving distance of South Beach; there comes a time when your hardcore clubbing days are just behind you. It doesn’t mean you’ll never dress up in slutty clothes again and go party, it just means it will be the exception rather than the rule.

The irony, of course, is that I am not tired of phone sex. I’m still every bit the addict I always have been and, I’m convinced, always will be. I still fucking love phone sex. But I’m tired of doing phone sex that isn’t *ME*. There was a time I didn’t mind donning a vicious dominatrix persona and spinning tales about raping slaves with my spike-heeled boots and making them drink from bowls of water they’d just washed my feet in. There was a time that drawing the kink out of a reluctant john was just part of the gig. But my patience has been peeled to its limit. I don’t want to drag the fucking fantasy out of men who don’t know how to ask for what they crave. And I don’t want to continue to play the part of a dominant bitch when what really excites me is the perverse taboo of Daddy’s girl and non-consent and submissiveness. 

It’s trickiest with the submissive callers, really. I don’t want to do hardcore dom, but I don’t mind sensual dom. But, like with spammers and porn greed, that line is drawn different for everyone.

Taking calls by appointment only means I can get a feel for what a client wants before they call. A man who is shy on the phone generally isn’t in email. It gives me a comfort zone. I don’t have to have those ungodly uncomfortable farces of “what do you like?” / “oh…uh…everything.” I would imagine it is the one aspect where prostitutes have it better than phone sluts. If a guy wants to fuck you a certain way all he has to do is SHOW YOU. There isn’t this square dance of hemming and hawing.

There are those of you out there reading this who have the biggest prick of a boss that are thinking “oh boo hoo – poor Doxy has to cajole men into talking about sex – how hard can that possibly be?”

I know. I know. I know I have the best job in the whole fucking world for me. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. So I’m moving into a new phase of my profession. Sure, it makes me a little nervous, but I think I need to put together a little distance so that I can miss it. Maybe I’m a wimp with no right to complain because I get to do what I love and I should just shut up and lump it. But we all make choices to make our lives more pleasurable and sometimes those are hard calls and/or risks. Maybe this is one of those. Maybe it’ll piss off my clients to have to make an appointment and I’ll have to return to schedules and woo and whimper and take some spankings for being a bad girl.

Or maybe this ends up best of all worlds. It could happen. The truth is, I’ll always love being a phone slut. I’ll never “burn out” on that. But I’m done with wankers and bozos. I’ve put in my time with the dregs. There are too many quality, respectful clients out there to put up with the grind anymore. I’ve earned the reprieve. And while it makes the work-ethic in me flinch, that’s just part of tailoring your job to fit you when you’ve earned the right to do so.

I’ve garnered a client list of kind, respectful fellows who might want to rape my ass while I’m bound and gagged in a fantasy, but they’re my kind of perverts and they draw their lines similarly to the way I draw mine. And that works. For now.

Let’s see…what else goes on? The SpankBlog Rules are getting a lot of coverage on the “sex blog” circuit. It’s not really a bunch of rules, but good advice from anyone looking to add adult themed blogging to their lives. It amuses me to no end that when I started doing this there were no other phone sluts to speak of blogging and I got tons of hate mail about “giving away industry secrets.” Now every little slut that puts up a site links to a live journal or some other blog access. Unfortunately I break most of Spank Boss’ kind advice, but I’m just ornery that way. Frankly it bewilders me as to why I still have any readership to speak of considering how long I go between updates. Incidentally, his is a great spanking site. It gets a little too rough for my kink needs, but it’s yummy 9 times out of ten.

And just to end on a funny, here’s some perverse car pleasure:

The Pussy Bug

I think he should have a sign on front saying “please don’t lick the hood” because she does look good enough to eat doesn’t she?

Well, stick a fork in this entry. Suddenly I want to go have a nice little fantasy about being a bad girl with a spanking red bottom.

Love,

Idle Prattle | Naughty Bits | Phone Sex by Doxy at 12:30 PM | permalink | talkback (0)

November 30, 2004

Let's Hope It's a Good One Without Any Fear

This would be the time for a be-of-holiday-cheer update. I’m not in that place.

I’m getting a lot of mail from concerned phone sluts who don’t know where the re-election of the current administration leaves us. Certainly, there would appear to be a positive step in the resignation of Ashcroft, but Gonzales is not a beacon of hope, exactly, especially considering his positions on many civil liberties issues. But the fact is that both liberals and conservatives use anti-porn agendas to their own purposes. Prince fans shouldn’t forget Tipper Gore and her Parents Music Resource Group. The Dems are not always the good guys when it comes to porn. In fact, it’s hard to know who is on our side and who isn’t.

And that’s a fundamental problem when the country seems to be creating a rallying point in their war against all things erotic. It’s not entirely logical to think that we’re in more danger suddenly because Republicans have secured their foothold for another four dismal years. Rather, the danger is in the continued march of fundamentalist Christian doctrine lobbying their way into our government institutions. Indeed, they are now masquerading their prejudices as science.

Over the last few months, we’ve learned that some of the loudest crusaders against homosexuality have homosexual issues themselves, as well as family members that they disenfranchise along with the rest of those they persecute. Likewise, we’ve learned that the most pious spouters of anti-sex propaganda often engage in the services of prostitutes, the company of mistresses, and any number of other activities they seek to deny the rest of us. So why are these people continually given a platform? Why do we let them pass? And is our continued silence an invitation for them to continue to warp the law to fit their own agenda?

Now, because freedom of speech is such a pain in the ass to people trying to tell others how to live their lives, we have the brave new world of Erototoxins. For those of you who don’t read Karl’s Blog the Erototoxin debate is being waged by people like Judith Reisman (do a Google, you’ll love her) who are seeking to prove that porn causes a chemical reaction in the brain that is the equal to the effects of a drug. And, since the government has already begun to regulate what drugs we can and cannot take for recreational purposes, porn, and, indeed, anything that creates such a chemical response, should also be liable for those effects.

They want to be able to sue Hustler for making people “addicted” to porn. They liken this to lawsuits against Big Tobacco. Translation: Who would Jesus sue?

In the history of slippery slopes, this one has the potential to be slicker than Vaseline on linoleum. Think about the level of censorship that is possible if we can attribute it all to chemical reactions in the brain. Pro sports. Sexual fetishes of any nature. Kung Fu movies. Today it’s Erototoxins, but tomorrow it could be Nascartoxins or Hockeytoxins. Porn and all sex trades have always been on the outside of the censorship battles for a reason we are the service that people want, but that society likes to collectively condemn. As such, porn is a desire that needs to be socially defendable “on principle” so that the hard conversations never take place.

But those like me, who hide in the closet, we’re not helping things. It’s hard to reconcile because I’m not a coward at heart. At first this job was transitory. It was fun. It was self-indulgence. Imagine getting paid to do what you love to do. Yes, I know there’s a dark side of the industry, but I also know that there are dark sides to all industry. There ain’t no free.

But I’m a woman with friends and family and a professional career that I might need to fall back on some day. I don’t like the idea of explaining to my father that I talk to men about sex for a living. Nor my grandmother for that matter. I don’t like the idea of sitting across a meeting table being smirked at because someone on the other side objects to my history. It isn’t about shame, but convenience. It’s the path of least resistance. For my family, this is a courtesy. They would be uncomfortable and I prefer to shelter them. For business it is an unfortunate necessity. In the consulting business, reputation is everything. Without my reputation, all my experience can be rendered nill. And I could rage all day that I’m not ashamed and have nothing to apologize for, but that won’t make a potential client meet my price. Flies with honey, as they say.

And even if those were not issues, there would be the safety factor. Being in the closet protects my safety. I’m a woman living in the 21st century and that means I’m more than a little responsible for my own safety and sexual well-being. Choosing to work in this trade should not put me at a higher risk, but it does. Not like erotic dancing or escorts, certainly, but it is something I have to be aware of.

There are a lot of reasons to stay in the closet. It doesn’t affect my self-esteem. It doesn’t hurt any aspect of my life. It isn’t about shame. It’s about smart. If tomorrow jumping out of the closet meant that I could quell this anti-sex propaganda. I’d likely do it, even with the consequences. But as things like senate hearings indicate, my point of view doesn’t matter. I’m the enemy of this particular crusade and, therefore, suspect. I’m a carrier of Erototoxins and part of the disease they’re so eager to diagnose.

So it is up to the non-sex workers. Will they write to their congresspersons and complain about the use of Senate time and money on examining things like Erototoxins when we’re in the middle of a war? With all the problems facing us in terms of real disease and crime, is this really where the focus should be?

I don’t get to make that decision.

So, those of you who have written concerned about what this means, well, I don’t have the magic answers. I’m staying in business until I can no longer stay in business. I’m a card-carrying member of the ACLU. I’m writing my representatives to let them know that I disapprove of their participation in pushing a fundamentalist agenda in lieu of legitimate governing. And I’m going to keep talking to men about taboo, edge-pushing erotica. Because it’s what I like to do and fuck them anyway.

*sigh*

I shall endeavor to have a post up soon that engages in proper amounts of holiday cheer. But, you know, it’s my blog and I’ll bitch if I want to.

Grrrr. Arrrg.

For the moment, if it’s holiday cheer you’re gunning for, you’ll have to settle for my new story, An XXXmas Karol. It does its part to offend your inner Santa.

Bah. Hump-bug.

Phone Sex | Poli-Sci by Doxy at 03:25 PM | permalink | talkback (0)

December 15, 2001

All Sexual Fun Abandon, Ye Who Dial In

Round in a circle by that road we went,
Speaking much more, which I do not repeat;
We came unto the point where the descent is...
Canto VI, The Inferno, Dante Alighieri

In order to make any kind of living as a phone slut, you can't be priss or a prima donna. The more you limit the types of calls you'll take, the more you limit your income potential and the fantasy boundaries of your johns. It's also a hassle for dispatchers. If you have 25 girls logged on and you have to keep track of which calls Jane won't take and which ones Sally won't take - it's a potential nightmare.

That said, the whole dispatcher gig centers around figuring out which girl to pair with which john, so tricky as it may be, they did sign on for the tour.

But, let's just say that a priss or a prima donna isn't going to make you the apple of anyone's eye. Come to think of it, I guess that's true in all business.

So, a good slut is always hesitant to refuse a john or a type of john. It's like running a bakery and saying you won't make carrot cake. Well, okay, maybe that's fine, you can still sell other kinds of cake. But, then if you say, no cheesecake or angel-food either, and only certain types of chocolate, well, you're just not going to have much of a market.

But, let's face it. I'm not baking cake. I'm talking to men on the phone about sex and it turns out even I have limits.

I can't do snuff.

Well, that's not entirely true. I can handle minor snuff. I can handle the guy who just wants to fuck something so hard it kills it. I can handle the guy who has a basic run of the mill strangulation fantasy. Those are primal and twisted, but they don't freak me out. There is a certain crime-of-passion element to them that I almost understand the appeal of.

Brutal, vicious, premeditated snuff does freak me, though. I can't listen to some guy tell me how he wants to break in and rape people and kill them. To cut them or mutilate them. It's just too disturbing to play with. I think most people have a sexual darkside, but mine just isn't that…subterranean.

So, Virg Hardcore is a john I won't be speaking to again.

Virg had called a few times before today. Suffice to say, he's a sick fuck, but no more so than some others. Let's face it, a lot of these guys have issues, and my philosophy is that I'd rather have them tell me about it then take a hostage and climb a bell tower with an AK-47. I also try very hard not to pass judgment on anyone else's kink.

We started out talking about underage girls in a non-consent format. No problem. Lots of people have rape fantasies - hell *I* have rape fantasies. Then, over the course of a couple phone calls, he got progressively sinister - progressively malevolent in his fantasies. He began talking about breaking into convents and raping nuns with their own rosaries. Serial killer-level desecration rape and murder. About abducting people taking them out to cabins in the woods and committing acts that I'm not going to repeat in this journal. Let's just say it was important for him to be in an isolated location so no one could hear them scream.

Folks, there is a line in each of us. Welcome to mine.

Phone Sex by Doxy at 01:01 AM | permalink | talkback (0)